lolmaster

Hello all, I'm lolmaster i've been attempting to write songs for 5 years and have gotten productive in the last 6 months writing a total of 17 songs, although people I know have been telling me my lyrics are good, I would like to have them checked out by a wider community of people I do not know. I chose a song which I believe reflects best the general quality of my songs, being neither the best or the worst.

This song is called "with fire", may be a bit repetitive but is designed that way, the style is pop/pop-punk, the rhythm is quite slow, also it could be too "lovesick teen" for some of you but thats my style . Here goes:


Oh my heart is burning up again
For you
Oh my head is flying away
For you
I think, I...I...I'm in love again
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up again (with fire)
Fire like the hand of god
Fire like the lightning struck

U say ur heart has hardened up
U say ur faith is broken up
So u will focus ur hate
Blow ur smoke in my faaaace
But
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up again (with fire)
Fire like the rising sun
Fire like the nighttime sung

Oh I spent so much energy
But you brought me to my knees
Oh I tried to make u mine
But u turned ur back on me
Ohohohh now
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up (with fire)
Fire like the shadow's light
Fire like my heart of might

I should have broken all my ties
'Cause Your truth was made of lies
It's time to show who I can be
To release the best of me
'Cause
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up again (with fire)
Fire like your eyes are bright
Fire like my fists will fight

Every second that I spent
Staring at your perfect face
Will make my heart a perfect mess
And your hate will be the king
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up again (with fire)
Fire like the moon will glow
Fire like the water's flow

Oh for every dream that I waste
On your truly hopeless traits
My head will be blown away
You will set me astray
'Cause
My heart is burning up again (with fire)
My eyes are lighting up again (with fire)
Fire like the wind will blow
Fire like the king will bow...

Feedback is much appreciated, thank you.

lolmaster

Please leave some feedback, I need some constructive criticism.