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The Batcave: Where The Batlord Sits On His Bat-Throne Plotting His Bat-Schemes The Batcave: Where The Batlord Sits On His Bat-Throne Plotting His Bat-Schemes
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:20 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Unknown Soldier View Post
I was looking for a really brutal death metal song to impress somebody with and started toying over all the death metal bands that I know, but I remembered this and remembered just how brutal it was, my decision was made.
A wise decision. Nile and Cryptopsy are pretty amazing brutal death metal bands, but Suffocation take the cake.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-17-2013, 02:08 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Tad Will Kill You and Take Your Drugs





One night in the dead of winter, I was driving down the wooded back roads of Washington state and blasting 8-Way Santa in my El Camino, which is, of course, the most metal car known to man. I was high on meth and drinkin' a bottle of Jack Daniels' with a duffel bag full of heroin in the passenger seat that I was planning to sell to all the rednecks in the area. It was dark as shit and I could only see directly in front of me where my headlights were shining. All of a sudden, a pick up truck full of flannel clad rednecks pulled up alongside me to the left of my car. I immediately realized that they were the band Tad, and I knew that I was fucked, since everyone knows that Tad can smell drugs from a mile away, and they were obviously about to rob me and leave me for dead by the side of the road. I looked over at their truck and saw that their eyes were glowing an eerie shade of red. Yeah, I was fucked. That fat, greasy looking vocalist motherfucker was the one driving, and he turned to me and, in a raspy, inhuman voice spoke, "Give us the drugs...give us the drugs...give us the drugs." I flipped him off and pushed the gas pedal all the way to the floor, but they kept up with me. What kind of world are we living in when you can't even sell a little heroin in peace without a truck full of undead drug fiends trying to kill you?

Now, the fat fuck tried to ram my car from the side and knock me off the road, but this was useless since I was driving an El Camino, and I rammed him right back. It appeared that this was just a ploy to bring their truck close to my car, because two of the other band members jumped from the flat bed of their truck onto the flatbed of the El Camino. One of them punched out my back window and tried to grab me from behind while the other one tried to get into the car by crawling spider like around the outside and grabbing for the passenger door. I managed to evade the one trying to grab me and picked up the sawed off shotgun in the passenger seat. I then pointed the gun behind me while trying to keep my eyes on the road and fired. My ears were pierced by an inhuman screech that quickly receded into the distance. One down. The second one had finally succeeded in opening the passenger door and leaned into the car with a feral hiss. Not about to take this shit, I pointed my shotgun in his face, told him, "This is where you get off, freak!", and pulled the trigger. The blast hit him point blank, and his face exploded, drenching me in blood and brains. Bad ass. Two down.

Having dealt with these two, I turned back to Tad's truck, only to see the third creature leap onto the hood of my car. Fuck this shit. Crawling like a lizard on my hood, it punched a hole through my windshield, and tried to grab me like its companion, but my shotgun was out of ammunition so I could only evade him. To make things worse, fatboy started to ram me again, and with the other one obscuring my vision, I started to swerve. A lesser man would have panicked, but I was far too bitchin' for that, so I tried to think of a plan. Then, I noticed that the road ahead of me veered sharply to the right, and beyond that was a river that was frozen over with ice. Since the truck was to my left, it couldn't turn, so I kept going straight. When we reached the turn, both vehicles flew over the embankment and crashed into the ice. Soon, both my car and the truck started to sink into the freezing water. My car immediately began filling with water as I struggled to undo my seatbelt. Finally freeing myself, I grabbed the drugs, opened the door, and swam into the frigid water. I climbed onto the ice and looked back to see both vehicles submerged, but neither of the two members of the band were coming up, which wasn't surprising, since running water robs Tad of their powers. I knew that they weren't dead though, or the other two, for Tad do not die, and their hunger for drugs is eternal.

The End
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-17-2013, 04:45 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Bloody hell Batlord! Does nothing interesting ever happen to you? You lead such a boring life...
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Old 01-19-2013, 09:46 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Bloody hell Batlord! Does nothing interesting ever happen to you? You lead such a boring life...
What can I say? It was a slow Tuesday.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-20-2013, 05:50 AM   #65 (permalink)
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The Tad episode was one your best yet, in fact the scenario kind of reminded me of the road scenes from "Race With the Devil" in which our intepid heroes were pursued by a bunch of fiendish devil worshippers (no different to heroin worshippers I guess)
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Originally Posted by eraser.time206 View Post
If you can't deal with the fact that there are 6+ billion people in the world and none of them think exactly the same that's not my problem. Just deal with it yourself or make actual conversation. This isn't a court and I'm not some poet or prophet that needs everything I say to be analytically critiqued.
Metal Wars

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Last edited by Unknown Soldier; 01-20-2013 at 06:57 AM.
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:27 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Nevermind, If Kurt Cobain Came Back as a Zombie and Rerecorded It

1. Smells Like Rotting Flesh
2. In Brains
3. Come as You Are Being Devoured
4. Bleed
5. Lithium Turned Me Into a Zombie
6. Polly Tastes Like Chicken
7. Pussitorial Pissings
7. Brain You
8. Lounge Act of the Damned
9. Stay Away (I've Been Bitten)
10. On a Plain (Better Find Some High Ground)
11. Some Zombies In the Way
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:50 AM   #67 (permalink)
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I have learned that there is a music artist who is known as the Batlord. Obviously this is not acceptable. So I have sent him an email:

Quote:
January 24, 2013

Dear Batlord,

It has come to my attention in the past week that we both share the same moniker (i.e. The Batlord.) As much as I was amused to Google myself and find you, this will not do. Nay, the name of The Batlord should be synonymous with, and only with, the veneration of True Metal. You can see what I mean on my music blog, and know what it is to be a True Metalhead of the highest caliber. I must say that your music quite entertained me, but since it is not True Metal it unfortunately cannot be associated with the Crusade. I am sure that you would not simply relinquish your claim to our name so easily, so I challenge you to a duel. Either knives or pistols at dawn would be sufficient, but I am open to other suggestions. A baby tossing competition for instance, but I'm just spit balling here. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Yours with benevolent contempt,

The Batlord
I expect his surrender shortly.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:09 PM   #68 (permalink)
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I have learned that there is a music artist who is known as the Batlord. Obviously this is not acceptable. So I have sent him an email:



I expect his surrender shortly.


That is friggen awesome!
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Old 01-25-2013, 08:46 AM   #69 (permalink)
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I have received a response...

Quote:
Hi,
Good email. Thanks for writing. At first I thought you were somebody else. There are a few Batlords out there. Listen, at the moment, the other Batlords don't matter to me. If a merchandising or artist name issue ever went to court I would win it. I've already consulted a lawyer about that once. But until I were to find evidence that I was losing revenue because of you or someone else calling themselves Batlord, it's not worth my time.

As far as being the king of metal or whatever it was, I find that uninteresting. You can be the king of metal, ok?

As for the name, your band name is not Batlord. So to me there is no conflict. Good luck with your blog. Hey, since you're so into metal, why don't you take up an instrument and start a band. I would guess you're in your teens, so you have time. Don't dream it, be it. ...as the movie says.

Regards,
Scorpio
Reading between the lines I think it is obvious that this Scorpio person is terrified of my sheer kick assery. Out of kindness I shall spare him, for I am a merciful Lord.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:06 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Scorpio was the loco killer from the first ever Dirty Harry film, oh and look....he's finally got The Batlord as his prisoner.

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Originally Posted by eraser.time206 View Post
If you can't deal with the fact that there are 6+ billion people in the world and none of them think exactly the same that's not my problem. Just deal with it yourself or make actual conversation. This isn't a court and I'm not some poet or prophet that needs everything I say to be analytically critiqued.
Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History
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