Distance really sucks (Russian, effect, show, quote, song)

DontRunMeOver · 07-13-2006, 04:49 PM

VERSE:
Gm - - - / Eb - - - / Cm - - - / D - - - /
Standing at departure gate
Check in complete, but I don’t want to step away
Each pace I take towards that plane
Is a small punishment, for stubborn headed dreams

CHORUS:
Eb - - - / Gm - - - / Cm - - - / D - - - /
Though I’ve got everything I need now
Clothes to last a hundred days
Through worn out hems and ketchup stains
It makes me sick to have to leave now
Ambition is a noose for love
Distance hurts, yeah
Distance really sucks

VERSE:
Gm - - - / Eb - - - / Cm - - - / D - - - /
Now the future's become real and present-day
Once distant worries are flying in too fast
Don’t want to wake up continents away
Without your body in my grasp

CHORUS:
Eb - - - / Gm - - - / Cm - - - / D - - - /
Though I’ve got everything I need now
Clothes to last a hundred days
Through worn out hems and ketchup stains
It makes me sick to have to leave now
Ambition is a noose for love
Distance hurts, yeah
Distance really sucks

MIDDLE SECTION:
Cm - - - / F - - - / Gm - - - / F - - - / Cm - - - / F - - - / Gm - - - / D - - - /
Every choice I’ve made
In the last two years
Seems to show the masochistic streak in me
Brought myself bad luck
Brought myself to tears
Brought myself to where my instincts did not want to be

VERSE:
If you train your telescope to the right point on the map
You’ll find me muttering regrets
That I ever left, that starting point and
Made myself distraught, and you bereft

CHORUS:
Eb - - - / Gm - - - / Cm - - - / D - - - /
Though I’ve got everything I need now
Clothes to last a hundred days
Through worn out hems and ketchup stains
It makes me sick to have to leave now
Ambition is a noose for love
Distance hurts, yeah
Distance really sucks

DontRunMeOver · 07-13-2006, 05:11 PM

Quick BUMP!

Criticize this song kids!!!

**sleepy jack** · 07-13-2006, 05:11 PM

I'm gonna crit it later when everyones gone so I can break out my geetar and actually play it. Ya know, get the full effect.

DontRunMeOver · 07-13-2006, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

I'm gonna crit it later when everyones gone so I can break out my geetar and actually play it. Ya know, get the full effect.

I've been playing it with strummed guitars influence by a mid-tempo, bouncy cossack feel. I'm definitely going for a slight 'traditional russian' rhythmic undercurrent to the guitar and vocals, if you can imagine that. If you can't... well I think it works.

swim · 07-13-2006, 05:25 PM

I really like the chorus. I find the verses to be mediocore. They're not bad just average. I think your actual vocals could make it something really special though.

DontRunMeOver · 07-14-2006, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimintheundertow

I really like the chorus. I find the verses to be mediocore. They're not bad just average. I think your actual vocals could make it something really special though.

Cheers, now that I look at it again, the verses do need some improvement in terms of both words and rhythm. I'll get on it.

**sleepy jack** · 07-14-2006, 02:09 AM

S'good. I like alot, I didn't really notice anything wrong when playing it. I really like the third versee. I suck with crits i know..

DontRunMeOver · 07-14-2006, 03:37 AM

Thanks Ethan. I'll leave the 3rd verse alone then. The 2nd verse will get the brunt of my future tamperings and the 1st verse might see a bit of changing, then.

On a side note, I've just noticed that I managed to get the words 'masochistic' and 'ketchup' into the same song. Result!

bruise_violet · 07-14-2006, 06:44 AM

Aww this is so sweet! I really like it

Raine · 07-23-2006, 11:37 AM

i like it.
but the last verse bothers me a little. I think it's a good verse but it doesn't have the same simple wording structure as the rest of the song. And it doesn't have as much internal rhyme as the rest of the song.

Otherwise I like it. A lot. It reminds me of the song Homeward Bound by Simon & Garfunkel

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07-13-2006, 05:11 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	I'm gonna crit it later when everyones gone so I can break out my geetar and actually play it. Ya know, get the full effect. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

07-13-2006, 05:25 PM
swim I'm still your f4g Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 4,525	I really like the chorus. I find the verses to be mediocore. They're not bad just average. I think your actual vocals could make it something really special though. __________________ Whatever it is you think you are, you're not a good friend, unique, well read, good looking or smart. Now you know.

07-14-2006, 02:09 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	S'good. I like alot, I didn't really notice anything wrong when playing it. I really like the third versee. I suck with crits i know.. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

07-14-2006, 06:44 AM
bruise_violet we became a carcass! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 359	Aww this is so sweet! I really like it __________________ in love with the stumps, in love with the bleeding! in love with the pain that you now feel...

07-23-2006, 11:37 AM
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,502	i like it. but the last verse bothers me a little. I think it's a good verse but it doesn't have the same simple wording structure as the rest of the song. And it doesn't have as much internal rhyme as the rest of the song. Otherwise I like it. A lot. It reminds me of the song Homeward Bound by Simon & Garfunkel __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche