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Old 04-09-2007, 07:50 PM  
TheUsedToolguy
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Heh, heh, I'm getting there,
Heh, heh, alarm sounds,
heh, heh, roll out of bed,
heh, heh, turn on the coffe pot,
heh, heh, brisk over the paper,
heh, heh, I'm on time for work,
heh, heh, hey everyone,
'Hey Jim, how's it going?'
eh, heh, heh, well, sblehsblehsbleh,
'Oh, you can sbleh that again'
Ahahahahahahahahahaha,
'Ahahahahahahahahahaha',
heh, heh, I'm getting there,

heh, heh, walk around to the corner store,
heh, heh, meet an old acquaintance,
heh, heh, shoot the breeze,
heh, heh, I'm getting there,

heh, heh, go home and flip on the telly,
heh, heh, wife's cooking up something mighty savory,
heh, heh, kids will be out of school soon,
heh, heh, I'm getting there,

heh, heh, a solemn dinner,
heh, heh, took the time to talk to my kids,
heh, heh, go watch some more telly,
heh, heh, I'm getting there,

heh, heh, rinse off my face,
heh, heh, looking at my cold black eyes,
heh, heh, take some Tylenol PM's,
heh, heh, I'm getting there
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Old 04-10-2007, 11:34 AM  
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes
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Heh, heh, I hate repetition. And in general this sucks. Was that your best? I hope not.
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Old 04-10-2007, 11:37 AM  
Urban Hatemonger
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Did you steal this from Beavis & Butthead?
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Old 04-10-2007, 11:50 AM  
right-track
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Are you hyperventilating?
Try breathing into a bag...preferably one made of polythene.
In fact, put it completely over your head.






Only joking...

...not about the lyrics though...they are shite.
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Old 04-10-2007, 12:33 PM  
DontRunMeOver
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A tip.

Don't include different background vocals, answering phrases, or anything else that isn't the main part of the main lyric in lyrics that you post here or anywhere else. Maybe they would be heard in a recorded version of the song but while people have to read the lyrics, present them in the way that READS best.

At least he didn't write "awesome guitar solo", "goes down to quiet piano, noise of children playing in the street, video shows day breaking over the colosseum in Rome".
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Old 04-10-2007, 12:46 PM  
The Dave
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What everyone else said basically. The repitition is rather annoying and the lyrics are just bland.
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Old 04-10-2007, 02:24 PM  
Jadix
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remove the "heh, heh"s. I like the idea you're going for, it just needs work. dont give up on it.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:28 PM  
TheUsedToolguy
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It was a song, not a poem
I just used heh heh to get the point across that people always use laughter to break the ice of an uncomfortable situation.
The point I'm making is that people want to be comfortable, and will drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, or laugh in an uncomfortable situation, because they don't like facing uncomfortable situations.
A smart man once said, 'If you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing'
People tell themselves they need food, or they need sex, or they need something to immediately fill their unsatiable need for instant gratification, and live their whole lives like this without even considering any alternatives.
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Old 04-12-2007, 11:34 AM  
The Dave
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUsedToolguy View Post
It was a song, not a poem
I just used heh heh to get the point across that people always use laughter to break the ice of an uncomfortable situation.
The point I'm making is that people want to be comfortable, and will drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, or laugh in an uncomfortable situation, because they don't like facing uncomfortable situations.
A smart man once said, 'If you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing'
People tell themselves they need food, or they need sex, or they need something to immediately fill their unsatiable need for instant gratification, and live their whole lives like this without even considering any alternatives.
It is possible to reveal the uncomfortable laughter in a way that doesn't involve starting each line with heh heh.
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Old 04-13-2007, 03:02 PM  
AnastasiaBeaverhousen
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I thought the "heh heh"s added a certin something, a sort of je ne sais quoi air to the whole song. And the strategically placed and repetitous "sbleh" was a nice touch too.

5 stars.
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