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Originally Posted by djchameleon
I downloaded it and listened to it but you are definitely right. Get your friend to toy around with it and fix the sound some. I couldn't ear the first two tracks all that well.
I really liked the last track though, the bouncing around the room cover. Who is the original band that did that song?
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Thank you a lot for listening - I really do need to get the sound fixed, or get him to fix my recording setup.
And thanks! I'm glad you liked the last track - that's originally by Phish, but it's one of their songs that their fans typically aren't big on because it's kind of poppier than their usual sound. And the actual album cut (and most live versions) really don't have that much guitar at all, so that was kind of just done so that I could play through it and hope for the best.
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA
Hiya Phanastasio,
I listened to all four and will give comments mostly about the first two, since they are your originals.
1.) "Fall 2005" - I feel you have a very pretty, breathy voice but yes, it is too soft in the mix. The simple guitar strumming is nice but gets repetitive. I liked the final strum especially! I feel the song would benefit from having a more interesting song structure, although I realize that when a song is only 1:45 minutes there isn't a lot you can do. However, my notes include the word "repetitive," so I felt I should mention that.
2.) "Zarathustra" - the guitar strumming makes it sound very much like "Fall 2005." Again the vocals should be louder. I felt you should have more variation in the melody. As the song is currently, almost the whole 3:05 minutes of it has the melody going up a few notes then down again. This pattern is repeated throughout the song, again and again. I wanted to hear a section in which you BREAK OUT...a bridge section perhaps or a chorus in which you use higher notes or stretch them out in a different rhythm. I *do* like how you use pauses while singing. They give a nice feeling of waiting and wondering what will come next.
3. and 4.) The Covers. I noted that they had more variation in the melodies. "Waste" had a pretty melody, although I felt your singing was a bit out of tune at times which surprised me because you were spot on in 1. and 2. The guitar strumming...I recommend not strumming on every down beat. Perhaps include some fingerpicking or double the tempo occasionally? I'm always critically noting the repetitiveness in my own songs and thinking about ways to add more variety, so I am sensitive to this issue in other people's music.
Thanks for uploading these songs! I enjoyed hearing them. It's nice that you shared.  |
Thank you a lot for listening. I'm really happy that you offered constructive criticism because I'm always looking for ways to improve, and my own perspective on my songwriting / playing can only help so much.
Also, yes, I do think they're a bit repetitive - the second track, I tried a more interesting chord progression than I usually do, but didn't spice it up at all otherwise. Really been meaning to rework that one in particular. The first song was written the day before I recorded it, and I changed the progression (making it more simplistic, actually) because I kept missing one of the changes and decided just to simplify it. I'll try to work on the version with the more spruced up chords and try to figure out some nice little runs to add in or something.
Again, thank you a lot for the constructive criticism!
I'm really going to work on implementing what you said into my playing / writing.