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Originally Posted by Plum
And to be perfectly honest, I don't think this concerns beta-males so much as it does beta-humans, I guess you could say. Maybe it affects you guys more because you are conditioned to be the dominant ones & are punished for doing anything remotely effeminate (like being submissive)
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I feel like it affects guys more because that's the way society has it set up. You rarely see a female that likes a guy go up and approach him. We are expected to take that role and go over to approach them. It takes confidence to do that it's not even about being dominant vs. being submissive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirty
I just wanted my name removed cause I am not a guru and can't teach everyone everything but I still am gonna give advice on any situations that come up and discuss things.
Good way to approach girls at a bar or party that you don't already know: Go up to a group, and say "Hey I gotta get back to my friends but we wanted some girls opinions on this:" Then ask any question requiring them to answer and start a conversation. Like I usually say "my buddy just started dating this girl, should he totally stop contact with his ex?" And then that leads to a little discussion which really isn't the important part. The main thing is that through talking (about anything) you just get more comfortable around those people. After 5 minutes of talking, pull the ole "Oh, my names ___ by the way" and then start talking on a more personal level like what they study, where they work, where they are form, that sort of stuff. Be unserious, laugh a lot, and make sarcastic jokes and jabs. People have different opinions and definitions of "negging" but I think it's just part of flirting. Like making a rude type of remark about something they are wearing but do it in a way where you can both laugh about it.
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The only reason I put your name down is because I thought you wanted to be a part of this type of thread based off of our conversation we had in the shoutbox the other night. I will take the brunt of it though. I don't claim to be an expert player or a ladies man or w/e either. That's why there is a disclaimer that you don't have to take our advice the final choice is completely up to you.
I guess the technical term for what you are describing there is opening a set. That is a perfect example of how to open a set. A set being a group of females but sets can also include males as well. You just want to put yourself out there and get a conversation going. I normally don't "neg" often but it's a fun trick to pull out every now and then just to see the reaction that you get. It definitely takes time and practice to know what exactly to say and how rude to be but it's usually something light hearted that gets a conversation started also. A good way to use a neg is if you want to attempt to get the female alone to yourself when she's in a group. A great example of this happened in the movie "Hitch". He went up to the girl that was crowded with guys and give her his money and told her a drink he wanted then walked away quickly so that she could follow him and then he could talk to her more.
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Originally Posted by Plum
Being engaged in activity and having friends is GREAT, don't get me wrong but conforming to have them is not something you should advocate. If you change yourself just to fit in and repress your true self, it is extremely unhealthy. Friends should be people who understand you and accept you for WHO YOU ARE and not who you are pretending to be. There's no intimacy in those types of relationships and they are very damaging to one's self image. It's a blatant message of "You have to change WHO YOU ARE otherwise, people won't like you". Um, no, if that's the case, you should find people who do like you for who you are. People should be free to fly their freak flags, and have freaky friends. Being accepted should not be a goal, accepting yourself should be.
Besides, being part of a group is not necessarily the best thing for everyone. You forget take in account that some people are naturally introverted, and prefer solitude over sociability.
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I certainly don't want to speak for her, he can explain himself but I don't think that's what he meant.
The whole fitting in thing comes as a part of being yourself and being in a group that accepts you the way you are. You are being yourself and you haven't changed for anyone but you do belong to a group so you are "fitting" in, in a sense.