Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirty
And none of us here have committed suicide obviously so lets not pretend anyone who has been depressed knows what a suicide coward is going through mentally. Cause even if you were super depressed, you didn't go as far as to actually kill yourself.
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I've attempted before, and barely managed to pull through that one. So I'm pretty sure I know what it's like. All-consuming depression is really not something that feels as though it can be dealt with when you're going through it.
The very act of opening my eyes when I woke up in the morning was enough to make me feel completely disgusted. And people who are super depressed aren't just sad - they're overall unpleasant to be around, and push people away. When I was depressed, I was completely pushing everyone around me away, like I was trying to punish them for caring, and then eventually, they just stopped trying to help because I was being so horrible.
At that point, when everyone else was gone, and I was just alone with myself...it had nothing to do with anyone else. There was no one else around. It was just me, and the very thought of myself, of life, and everything completely turned my stomach. I had no motivation to do anything. I didn't want to eat, sleep, wake up, shower, or do anything I loved anymore. The thought of getting help didn't even cross my mind, because my all-encompassing feelings were that I needed to be out of the world. I couldn't feasibly see that my being there was making things any better, or that my absence would make things any worse.
I still struggle with depression as a part of having Bipolar Disorder, but it's more under control now. I take vitamins for health, and spend time in the sun reaping the benefits of UV rays. I also jog and exercise quite a bit...and although I seldom go, I have the number of my therapist on speed dial.
Depression really is a serious issue. It's not just being sad, and suicide doesn't imply cowardice in the sense that was suggested.