I have a hard time quantifying what exactly constitutes "alcoholism".
Not that I'm trying to escape the label, because I do believe I'm an alcoholic, but a lot of the things that go along with the typical definition simply don't apply to me.
For instance, I have no issues with family, school, work (when I was working, now I'm doing the school thing), friends, relationships, etc... But I do find it very hard to abstain from drinking for even a single day. Keep in mind, I've been drinking pretty regularly for at least 10 years. On weekends, I find it absolutely necessary to have a 12-pack a day. On weekdays, when I have to wake up in the morning, I can get away with a 6-pack in the evening.
But if I have nothing to do, I drink to make menial tasks more interesting, and to cultivate some kind of motivation. In a way, I use alcohol to make the things I'm doing more interesting, or to make me want to do things I'd rather not do. If I'm going to post on the internet, I absolutely need alcohol, otherwise I'll get completely bored. If I'm going to play a game, I need alcohol to make it more interesting, otherwise I'll get completely bored. If I'm going to file taxes, I'll be completely bored either way, but alcohol will make it more bearable.
So, in my mind, alcohol serves as a means to make things interesting. I gotta assume that's alcoholism.
On another note, I'm naturally a socially reserved person when in new situations that I'm not sure of (probably stems from what I think is social anxiety) and alcohol fixes that. It serves as medication. I've never found alcohol to be anything but an enhancement. Certainly never found it to be destructive to my life... yet the fact that I'm more or less dependent on it has to mean the most. The only thing I personally feel worried about regarding my drinking is my physical health.
When you wake up one weekend morning, having drank so much, so often, that you feel like your kidneys are stabbing themselves, you sorta get the idea that you're killing yourself.
The thing about alcoholism, though, is that really isn't enough after you've talked yourself into ignoring it.
The ultimate related rationalizations for me:
"I wasn't going to drink today, but since I have to write this paper, I know I'm more linguistically fluid after a few drinks... so I'll go ahead and drink."
"Wasn't going to drink today, but I have to make this compilation, and I'd never be able to maintain interest if I did it sober."
"Planned on a sober day, but I have to master a track for someone and god knows I'd throw their shitty track in the trash if I wasn't completely obliterated."
"Stuff needs taking care of on MB... Off to the beer store."
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