Music Banter - View Single Post - The coming out thread

adidasss · 06-25-2011, 12:20 PM

Taking inspiration from The virgin's deceased thread, I thought it would be a good idea to make a thread where the LGBTQ community of this forum can share their experiences of coming out, so maybe someone who is reading this thread and is still struggling with their sexuality can find courage to do the same if they haven't already.

So I'll begin with my experience. It may be difficult to understand given my rather open attitude towards my sexuality for the majority of my residence at this forum but there was a time when my attitude was the complete opposite.

First of all, I have to say that I was a very late bloomer and hadn't really figured out my sexual preferences until I was in my late teens. I think the moment when I first realized without a doubt that I was attracted to men (or at least fully vocalized this realization) was when I was 17 or 18. I caught a very cute little British film on TV about two boys and their sexual blossoming and was extremely moved by what I saw, which was the first time I had ever seen a positive depiction of gay people and relationships.

I was actually quite shocked by the emotions it stirred up, given that I was raised in a very catholic family and was rather religious myself at the time. I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened to me and was determined not to let anyone know about it, for fear of rejection by my family, friends and society at large. Worse yet, I thought I could not just ignore it, but with enough determination, and as embarrassing as it sounds today, prayer, I thought I could change. You know, God wouldn't be so cruel and if I'm a very good boy, he would help me out and take these feelings away.

Well, that didn't happen of course. A lot of years passed in this sort of mind set, mostly me ignoring this part of my personality. But then, mostly through television, I began to be more and more exposed to positive examples of gay men and women, I saw a lot of people, not only in fictional TV shows and films, but also on talk shows, real people from my own country who didn't seem to have any problems with who they were and seemed quite well adjusted and guilt free. This helped spark a change in me and I started wondering if this wasn't such a horrible thing after all.

The first forum I ever joined was actually a gay Christians forum in early 2005. I know right, not so long ago and yet it seems like a lifetime. By the time I joined musicbanter I was already approaching the tipping point. I felt much more confident about who I was and telling people on line was the first and crucial step towards coming out in real life.

The first person I told in real life was a friend from highschool. I was too pussy to tell her in person, so I just dropped the bomb over msn. She took it really well. That gave me even more courage to tell other people. I joined a croatian gay forum in early 2006 and very soon after that I made the biggest (and to my mind the most corageous) step, I told my youngest sister, who is the most importaint person in my life and the person I love the most.

I sent her a text at 4am. I was absolutely petrified of her reaction. Those few hours before she replied were the longest and most harrowing of my life. At first she thought I was kidding but then she told me it was cool and that no matter what, I was still her best friend. The moment is still recorded on MB, as well as people's reactions which were uniformly positive. I'm very thankful to MB for being there in those moments...

Anyhow, after that it became progressively more easy to tell people, now that I had the support of the people I really cared about. In the meanwhile I've read a lot of very intelligent things from very smart people on my Croatian gay forum which helped transform me into the person I am today. This year I went to my second gay pride parade, I've told my coworkers and a bunch of other people.

The process is not finished though, I still haven't told my parents. I was waiting to become financially independent but it's still a difficult choice to make. I'm still dwelling on the positive and negative sides of telling them. On the one hand, it would be the final blow to the closet and I know I would finally be completely free to live my life to the fullest. On the other hand I have to prepare myself to their (almost certainly) dramatic and negative reactions. That day will come, however, regardless of the fallout. At the end of the day, they are my parents and they deserve to know.

So, anyone else willing to share, please do.

06-25-2011, 12:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	The coming out thread - Take II Taking inspiration from The virgin's deceased thread, I thought it would be a good idea to make a thread where the LGBTQ community of this forum can share their experiences of coming out, so maybe someone who is reading this thread and is still struggling with their sexuality can find courage to do the same if they haven't already. So I'll begin with my experience. It may be difficult to understand given my rather open attitude towards my sexuality for the majority of my residence at this forum but there was a time when my attitude was the complete opposite. First of all, I have to say that I was a very late bloomer and hadn't really figured out my sexual preferences until I was in my late teens. I think the moment when I first realized without a doubt that I was attracted to men (or at least fully vocalized this realization) was when I was 17 or 18. I caught a very cute little British film on TV about two boys and their sexual blossoming and was extremely moved by what I saw, which was the first time I had ever seen a positive depiction of gay people and relationships. I was actually quite shocked by the emotions it stirred up, given that I was raised in a very catholic family and was rather religious myself at the time. I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened to me and was determined not to let anyone know about it, for fear of rejection by my family, friends and society at large. Worse yet, I thought I could not just ignore it, but with enough determination, and as embarrassing as it sounds today, prayer, I thought I could change. You know, God wouldn't be so cruel and if I'm a very good boy, he would help me out and take these feelings away. Well, that didn't happen of course. A lot of years passed in this sort of mind set, mostly me ignoring this part of my personality. But then, mostly through television, I began to be more and more exposed to positive examples of gay men and women, I saw a lot of people, not only in fictional TV shows and films, but also on talk shows, real people from my own country who didn't seem to have any problems with who they were and seemed quite well adjusted and guilt free. This helped spark a change in me and I started wondering if this wasn't such a horrible thing after all. The first forum I ever joined was actually a gay Christians forum in early 2005. I know right, not so long ago and yet it seems like a lifetime. By the time I joined musicbanter I was already approaching the tipping point. I felt much more confident about who I was and telling people on line was the first and crucial step towards coming out in real life. The first person I told in real life was a friend from highschool. I was too pussy to tell her in person, so I just dropped the bomb over msn. She took it really well. That gave me even more courage to tell other people. I joined a croatian gay forum in early 2006 and very soon after that I made the biggest (and to my mind the most corageous) step, I told my youngest sister, who is the most importaint person in my life and the person I love the most. I sent her a text at 4am. I was absolutely petrified of her reaction. Those few hours before she replied were the longest and most harrowing of my life. At first she thought I was kidding but then she told me it was cool and that no matter what, I was still her best friend. The moment is still recorded on MB, as well as people's reactions which were uniformly positive. I'm very thankful to MB for being there in those moments... Anyhow, after that it became progressively more easy to tell people, now that I had the support of the people I really cared about. In the meanwhile I've read a lot of very intelligent things from very smart people on my Croatian gay forum which helped transform me into the person I am today. This year I went to my second gay pride parade, I've told my coworkers and a bunch of other people. The process is not finished though, I still haven't told my parents. I was waiting to become financially independent but it's still a difficult choice to make. I'm still dwelling on the positive and negative sides of telling them. On the one hand, it would be the final blow to the closet and I know I would finally be completely free to live my life to the fullest. On the other hand I have to prepare myself to their (almost certainly) dramatic and negative reactions. That day will come, however, regardless of the fallout. At the end of the day, they are my parents and they deserve to know. So, anyone else willing to share, please do. __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm Last edited by adidasss; 06-25-2011 at 01:29 PM.