Many beautiful stories in this thread. I'm so proud to see so many very brave MB members. Reading this thread made me tear up a bit. I think I'll go ahead and share my story as well.
When I was a kid, I was a little different. They called me a "tomboy", but that label was pretty much assigned to any female who played sports when I was younger, so I just went with it.
I noticed something a little bit weird when I was in fourth grade or so. Many of the other little girls were gravitating towards little boys, and that felt weird to me. And up through seventh grade or so, the friendships that made me get butterflies in my stomach were all with girls.
Finally, one day we had a sex ed class and they were explaining sexuality. I am still upset at the immaturity with which the majority of my class greeted the subject matter. After that course, I realized that the teacher had been describing something I thought was weird about myself to a tee, and realized that I was gay. The other kids, though...they started almost a "witch hunt" after that class. They looked for anyone different, and called them "gay", "****", "homo", etc. and I desperately tried to avoid their wrath.
I "dated" boys throughout junior high, and even made out with them even though I knew that I didn't enjoy it. Anything to keep the rest of the kids from ostracizing me and calling me names. The way they made it seem, being gay was like being a leper; it was disgusting, it was contagious, and it was something to be avoided and loathed.
In high school, I still dated guys, but whenever the relationship would start to progress, I would find any excuse to end it. Once, I even dumped a guy because we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean, and I claimed he had jealousy issues because he was mad that I was ogling Captain Jack Sparrow; I was really ogling Keira Knightley.
Finally, college happened, and suddenly everyone was okay with people being gay or being different. In fact, it was embraced. I was still wary about actually coming out, but it was a little less scary. Facebook was BRAND NEW then, almost exclusively used to message people in ones' classes or find a hookup for the evening. I listed my interested in on facebook as male and female, because bisexuality seemed like it was easier to identify as when I was still trying to come out...but I only used it to find female hook-ups.
When I was 18, I finally came out to a few close friends as being fully gay. Most of their responses were akin to, "Yeah, we know, but we're proud of you for being brave enough to come out," and I felt great about that.
Finally, I had to come out to my family. I was 19.
Part of my coming out was getting a role in
The Laramie Project, although I'm not sure why that was a necessary part of the process of telling my family. The day after the show, at around three in the morning, I walked into my then 17 year old sister's room.
After about an hour of awkwardly rambling on about anything that popped into my head except for what I'd gone in there to say, I finally burst into tears and sunk to the floor and said, "I'm gay."
There was a brief pause, and then my sister said, "We know already. We were just waiting for you to tell us." and then we joked about it, and she proceeded to give me every article of her clothing which had anything resembling a rainbow on it, just as her way to show me she was okay with it, and it didn't change anything. She did tell me that I needed to tell mom too, when I was ready, and I thought there was no time like the present.
Unfortunately, I was still too much of a chicken to do it face to face, so I wrote her a letter and stuck it under her windshield wipers. I woke up in the morning to find a couple of pieces of white computer paper folded up into a square, with my name written on it in my mom's handwriting on my bedside table.
This was in 2006, and I still have the letter she wrote me back. I will transcribe it here:
Quote:
Sara,
I have known you were gay for a long time. No shock! But, one very important thing to know is that being gay is not who you are. Don't let it be the one thing that defines you.
You are, first, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece. You are an actor. You are smart and beautiful. You do not have to do anything unusual to stand ot or be different, because you are a human, and we are all different!
I don't think of myself or portray myself solely as a heterosexual, and don't feel any compulsion to be known only as "that heterosexual person". If the first thing you mention about yourself is that you are gay, then you are missing so many other important points!
Be a great person defined by who you are, not by who you are attracted to. Don't feel different than any other person, and don't try to act differently or champion the fact that you are different in that way as your whole personality, because you are always a person first: A daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece. You are an actor. You are smart and beautiful.
Please don't fall into the trap that makes you smoke and drink and do drugs and be promiscuous as many of my gay friends have. Just always be who you are: A person with many facets and talents and moods who happens to be gay. A person created by God and loved all - who happens to be gay.
But you also happen to be messy, disorganized, intelligent, loud, a good artist, a good reader, a good writer, a bad dresser, a little lazy, and a million other things.
So no one's personal life is a difference. Everything a person is combined inside that person is the difference.
Love,
Mom
P.S.
Does this mean I won't have any grandchildren?!?!
LOL!
(See, I do know some computer lingo!)
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