THE ORIGINAL: Divinyls - "I Touch Myself" (1991)
When I first heard this song on the radio, I felt it was very liberating to have a sexuality-drenched song sung by a woman. I also thought to myself, "Ooo! Is it legal to broadcast songs like this?! Is no one listening to the lyrics?!" And then I listened again and again. And again.
Apparently, other people *were* listening to the lyrics, because they have made covers. I just realized that today, hence this post. Here is the original by the Divinyls followed by covers that I have ranked in order of my preference:
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1st PLACE: Genitorturers - "I Touch Myself" (Cover) (2000)
This delicious industrial metal song is
much better than the original, in my opinion, because of the Genitorturers' harsher, more powerful sound and the slight change they made in the lyrics to turn the woman from the desperately desiring party into someone who desires but is also the recipient of adoration.
This cover is sometimes erroneously thought to be by Jack Off Jill...which is how it came to my attention as I was listening to some of their music.
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2nd PLACE: Tiffani Wood - "I Touch Myself" (Cover) (2006)
I didn't know what to expect from this cover, and, having been spoiled by Genitorturers, I wasn't expecting to like it, but *gosh darn it*, that Tiffani Wood is so cute and humorous in the role of horny girlfriend chasing after reluctant and rather horrified boy, that I couldn't help but be charmed.
I gave the song 2nd PLACE mostly for the boy's expressions...but also for Tiffani Wood because she does have a very nice, strong warm voice, and brings some wholesome girlish fun to a topic often seen as a little lewd:
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98th PLACE: Scala & Kolacny Brothers - "I Touch Myself" (Live) (2005)
Now this classical choral version of "I Touch Myself" by the Belgian all-girls choir startled me with the creepiness of all these teen girls singing about touching themselves and giving blow jobs (implied by the lyrics) as if this were a simple love song instead of one dripping with lust, while the director encourages the audience to clap along Kumbaya style!
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99th PLACE: The Girls of FHM - "I Touch Myself"
I almost always loathe this style of dance song with the repetitive pulsing beat that makes we want to slash off wallpaper, and this song was no exception. Ear torture:
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99.5th PLACE: Eve6 - "I Touch Myself"
For some reason I imagine Muppets are singing this annoying, acoustic guitar version of the song that I find to be completely unerotic...although I couldn't help but notice that the shrieking female audience members didn't seem to share my opinion!
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Last PLACE: Pink - "I Touch Myself" (Cover) (2009)
There must be other covers of the song out there, but without even listening to them I am sure that Pink's is the ABSOLUTE, ROCK-BOTTOM!! Horrifyingly insipid, this song is an insult to the good name of masturbation: