Quote:
Originally Posted by hip hop bunny hop
It's too scattered. Why not just say, "Hi! I like quirky music, do you? If so, let us make band!"
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Yes. Simple is always better. It just looks like you're namedropping, and doing too much of it. It should just say "Violinist looking for like-minded musicians" and then the last line with your number, with maybe a line or two about what you're looking for. Once you get in touch with them, then you can give them the pertinent details.