Evenin' all. Inspector Quaver 'ere, with rather h-exciting news. We 'ave now captured, tried an' prosecuted our first case under the new h-Offences h-Against Decency and Taste Act 2009, subsection 3(a), to wit: Crimes h-Against Music. As you will all be aware, the filming of court procedure is prohibited in the h-United Kingdom, unlike h-elsewhere --- I believe it may 'ave been Mister David Bowie who remarked, “This is not h-America” --- and indeed it is not. So we are h-unable to record by video or take photographs of the actual trial.
'Owever, a case such as this is bound to make all the local rags, as you can see from the front pages from tomorrow's papers, shown below.
THE CASE OF THE SOAP SINGLE, AKA ANYONE CAN FALL IN LOVE, APPARENTLY.
CASEFILE: SCAMTF20111028/MP/FQ/444-FTE95
Anyone can fall in love --- Anita Dobson --- 1986 (BBC Records)
'Aving successfully prosecuted our first case, the lads an' me are now off to celebrate with a few swift bitters down the Dog an' Hound --- strictly off-duty of course! We are in the process of making further arrests, and when those cases come to court you can be sure you will read about them.
For now, a dangerous felon is be'ind bars, and the world is, I fancy, just a little bit safer tonight. No need to thank us, just doin' our jobs.
Until then, good night all, and remember, crime never sleeps, nor does the Met!
