I kind of used to be addicted to cocaine and ritalin. I had this fascination with coke since the tabloids exposed Mary-Kate Olsen of using. I had a crush on her and I'm a little weird and like the look of a contained junkie. The tired underneath the eyes and gangly body. I'm not talking about the crackhead behind the dumpster or rather Halle Berry in Losing Isaiah. No. But back when Mary-Kate was super skinny. Something like this:
And she was like:
MOVING ALONG.
So with that said, I have always wanted to use coke. I didn't actually get to try it until I was seventeen or eighteen. I remember distinctively that night, I was with my ex and we were with a few friends. We were at their band practice in a storage unit. We both got out of her car and I grabbed her hand and said, "I want to try it, tonight." And she knew exactly what I meant so she asked if I was for sure. She grinned and called her friend who knew where to get some. She had already tried it before but sparsely. I was getting pretty anxious and impatient as we had to stay and watch them **** around with their instruments for a couple of hours. Eventually we drove about one hour away from where we were living. We got there and instead of going with everyone else to a club, her and I were ready to open up the little baggie. Needless to say she was really excited that I was sharing the experience with her for my first time trying it. She loaded it up on the glass coffee table and rolled up a dollar bill. There laid out, I stared at it and my stomach weaved throughout my body. She held out the dollar bill and I told her to do it first so I can see. Up went the big line in her nose and she had to recover from it for a moment. I didn't even think, I just grabbed it and snorted it. My throat became numb and my nose was running like hell. It's unclear now what happened next but I do remember that she was turned on and we ****ed around our friends apartment.
After that night I craved more. My ex and I got pretty deep in, stealing money from her parents, selling DVD's, blowing my whole check, even one night letting our dealer hold my laptop until we could get the cash. This probably went on for a couple months. Our friends worried about us but knew that saying anything wouldn't change our actions. We had to get eight balls almost every time towards the end. One night we got one and not even one hour later we were laying in bed watching Alias and we were crashing and needed more. "We don't have anymore money, at all." I said. "I know." We laid there in silence for awhile. "We need to quit." I sighed. She agreed, and we did. However, a few months later I realized that she was on ritalin. One day I asked if she had ever snorted it. She looked at me like I was crazy and said no. She knew that look in my eyes and smirked and shook her head."God, you are a ****ing tweaker." But I convinced her and we started on that. Now it wasn't as smooth as cocaine when snorting it. In fact the chunks that didn't get crushed all the way flew to the back of your throat and made you cough like ****. And your nose slightly burned at first. The first couple of times we thought it wasn't a good idea and we were idiots. But then we peaked and we were out of control. We would smoke packs of cigarettes and snort her whole bottle. We would stay up days in a row and we would talk the whole time. Doing this made us know even more about each other and realize that we didn't know everything about one another. This lasted longer then doing the coke. But one night when we were coming down, our eyes hurt like a bitch and our bodies were exhausted. We were laying in bed (our awesome mattress on the floor) and the sun was too bright but we ignored it. My laptop was on playing music. We still were talking but it was not as animated and ebullient. And then we were quiet, trying to rest and we heard the end of the song, "In The Backseat" by Arcade Fire. I told her I liked it and she said she did too. I sat up to see who it was and put it on repeat to fall asleep too.
I'm not sure how much longer and I'm not sure when we decided to quit. I think maybe it was because she stopped getting prescribed the medication.
But that Arcade Fire song was the one I pretty much discovered the band. I used to get a lot of bands and albums from recommendations and put it on my computer, I actually still do that and usually play through it and some times one song will stand out more to my liking.
Now, I had this idea to collaborate a few songs and mix them together. Parts of the songs to make it into one. I just finished my first one last night, I stayed up until eleven in the morning, fell asleep for one hour and woke up and tried to elaborate it into something that I could upload on youtube. But seeing as you can't just upload a mp3 without footage, I was going to be ambitious and grab different clips from junk to go with the song. But I think for now I will just use Sound Cloud. I'm using Mac software on a Dell mini. 10.6.3 that did not come with iLife so even trying to find a program to make a "video" seems impossible. I am inadequate with Mac software. I think my plan now will suffice.
Well, I do not even know if it is okay to upload the link to it even though I don't take any rights to all the songs and junk. I just put the **** together. So for the safe side I won't.