It's very true that in general most people are split into one of two groups: those that prefer to give, and those that prefer to receive. I've always enjoyed picking out and arranging the perfect gift, those I know someone would like, and appreciate, but it got to me last year when, after going to quite extraordinary (for me) lengths to ensure everyone had a thoughtful present --- including, almost especially --- those I didn't like particularly, I got back presents that were quite obviously last-minute or at the very least had zero thought put into them.
Now, I know we don't give to get, but when you go to all that trouble it's nice to receive something half-decent back. So this year I said forget it. In addition to having little money for extravagant pressies, I feel I'm wasting both my money and effort, when the gesture is not even appreciated. I recall a few years back when I had very little money and decided to MAKE gifts, but interesting and kind of unique ones. For my brother I made a series of CDs with the best music from Tom Waits, his absolute favourite artiste, and then having dug up some information on his wife's musical interests (I absolutely do not get on with her) I made her a selection too.
The total lack of interest, appreciation, gratitude or even acceptance was like a bombshell to me. I had put a lot of effort into these gifts, and all I got in return was a shrug and a feeling of "is this all we get?"
But more than that, this year, and for the past two years, my Christmas has consisted of looking after my sister, who as some of you know has MS. She spends her entire life in her bedroom, so the best I can offer her at Xmas is to decorate that room, make her dinner and sit with her as much as I can, or she wants. In that way, I continue the spirit of giving that has always been close to my heart, and the way I am. I don't so much give gifts, but I give of my time and my company. Of course, I do this on a day-to-day basis normally, but I feel it's so much more important to do so, and make a special effort, at this festive time.
We get NO visitors, unless my elder sister can make it. My two brothers have basically cut us out of their lives, for no reason I can ascertain. We don't even get phone calls from one end of the year to the next. Some people see their extended family only at this time: we don't see our immediate family anytime!
So I can sympathise with you about the "shrinking circle", but remember that the people who matter are still there, and if for nothing else than for their sake you have to make the most of Christmas, for them. May not feel like it, but it's probably the best present you could give at this time.
I hope your Christmas improves, and you have a better 2012.
Happy Christmas, to you and all.
Troll
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
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