Probably one of the most personal journals I've read, ever, but unlike two others which place(d) more of an emphasis on gaining pity or sympathy --- at least as far as I understood it --- or even sharing their rage/depression/morbidity, this one seems to take what I look at as being a pretty pragmatic if not openly optimistic view of their life. Yes, bad things have happened to you, but you don't seem to (as you say yourself) turn your journal into a cry for pity/attention. You use your own experiences as a way to explain why you make, and love, music, and it's extremely refreshing.
Of course it must have been hard being a "rock child". We all fantasised about being rock stars, but having a parent as one must, in some ways, have been similar (though not anywhere near as boring) as having your father drive long-distance or be in the army, professions that kept him away from home for long periods of time. I personally did not go through any such ordeal: my parents were always here (often to my chagrin, in respect of my father) and were typical and I guess boring. But it's not at all surprising and yet interesting that you essentially followed in your father's footsteps, as it were, by taking up playing music (are you in a band? I don't remember you saying...) when in a very real way, music must have been seen as the fulcrum around which all your early dark feelings ---loneliness, hurt, anger, loss, resentment etc --- turned, and some people would perhaps have shied away from music; as Homer Simpson might have said: "Music bring pain!"
But you embraced it, and fair play to you for that. And in so doing, probably --- almost certainly --- gained a deeper insight into what made your father tick, why he did what he did, why he was prepared to be away from the family he loved, and the strains it put on his wife. Of course, you may not have completely understood his motives, but it is surely akin to walking a mile in someone's shoes; you get a better appreciation of how they fit and how they feel, particularly when their feet ache.
I do a lot of updating of my journal, but it's all mostly just music --- good music, well written and selected I believe --- but still just music. Occasionally I've reminisced back to what music means to me, how I grew up with things like record players, radios, cassettes and no itunes or even web for some of my life, but in general I haven't put much of my own personal life into my journal. I guess the deepest, darkest revelation I made was recently when, spurred by a similar admission from another MB member, I let it out that I am a crossdresser, though it's hardly a huge revelation to say you enjoy wearing a skirt and panties, but for me it was a big thing. Other than that though, I've concentrated on the music.
I look forward to this journal probably the most of any I'm currently reading. It's almost like reading someone's life story, and I wait in breathless anticipation for the next chapter! Well done, again.
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
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