Scarlett O'Hara

I'm hanging by a thread at the moment. I have had acute abdominal pain for the last month, and chronic pain for the last 5 years, excluding painful periods since I was 12 years old. As well as this I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, giving me cramping pain after going to the loo. I have been in and out of the hospital throughout the last month for days and days, having my medication changed all the time causing me to suffer in agony for hours because only the specialist can chart other pain killers. That night I was seriously contemplating ending it all. I was angry, I was in tears, I was so lost. Something stopped me from losing it.

I've finally been put on the right pain relief instead of methadone I'm on a specialised drug for the spine to stop over reacting to pain signals then making it worse and I'm on large amounts of codeine. I have had tons of appointments to attend and today I went to the wrong hospital for an appointment with the anaesthesitist (sp?) for my surgery on the 12 of march and I just broke down. I mean, it wasn't even the end of the world, but I couldn't cope with it. =/

The grossest thing that happened while I was admitted was when this white trash lady in the bed beside me only just found out she was 5 months pregnant and was still smoking like a train. Not only that, in the evening when everything was closed up, she kept smoking in the toilet! Now I know she has breast cancer and shes suffering, shes in a violent relationship, but 1) how the **** did she think she got the cancer, 2) her 16 year old daughter has cancer and smokes, 3) she is going to **** up this poor child inside her!

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