Ever been listening to an album and thinking this is great! And then suddenly, a really BAD track comes along, and you think, oh no that's really spoiled things? No, probably not: one track won't spoil an album, if it's good enough. But there's no doubt that a real turkey can temporarily take you out of the “happy place” you've been in up to then, bring you back to earth with a bump, even if after it's done, skipped over or ignored you go back to enjoying the album.
This section is dedicated to the “bad apples”, the one or two lower quality, or occasionally crappy tracks that make us wonder how the hell did THAT ever get on the album? Obviously, not everyone will agree with my choices, and some may believe the tracks I choose are better than I see them to be, but these are the impressions --- first and lasting --- that the below songs have left on me. These are the songs that are skipped when I play the album, or never added to a playlist.
The diary of Horace Wimp (Electric Light Orchestra) from “Discovery”, 1979
You can say what you like about this track, I bloody hate it! I hate everything about it, right down to the fact that they miss out Saturday on the annoying count of days in the end to fade, the weird and creepy voice that says “Horrrrace” at the end, the teeth-grindingly irritating vocoder effects (which usually I am ok with when it comes to ELO), the trumpet/baseball fanfare, and the whole idea of the thing being so damn simplistic. I also hate the melody. There, I just hate it, is all. And it comes on one of the very first records, never mind ELO albums, but one of the very first ever records I bought, on what I consider to be one of ELO's best albums (though others may dispute that), and in between the lovely ballad “Need her love” and the bouncy, happy “Last train to London”. How, oh how could they?
Patricia the stripper (Chris de Burgh) from “Spanish train”, 1975
I've always hated “Patricia the stripper”. I think it ruins the “Spanish train” album by Chris de Burgh. The whole thing is (as stated in my review of same during last year's “Seventies Week”) based around the ideas of love, fealty and a longing for home, with some great allegorical tales thrown in, most notably “Just another poor boy” and the title track. This, however, is a bawdy, tawdry tale set to a twenties melody and theme which I hate anyway, and seems totally out of place with the almost reverent tone of the album. Say what you like, but I hate it. Boo!
I think I'm going bald (Rush) from “Caress of steel”, 1975
Finally, we have Rush. How can an album that's so well crafted as “Caress of steel”, with its
two epics --- “The Fountain of Lamneth” and “The Necromancer”, a heavy rocker like “Bastille Day” and the lovely, laidback “Lakeside Park” have a song about … going
bald? Okay, I know they were poking fun at themselves, envisaging old age, and yes, it's not a terrible song, but really, it breaks the spell woven by this excellent album, and while it doesn't ruin it, it certainly sours the mood. With “Lakeside Park” to follow it, and coming after the powerful opener, it's a bit of a “wtf?” moment, and I really think the album could do without it.
Is there anything to be read into the fact that all of the above come from albums released in the seventies? No, I don't think so: poor songwriting and bad tracks respect no such boundaries, and I'm sure I can find plenty from any other decade, once I start looking!