I feel like these aren't poetic. There are a lot of cliches and they sound a little angsty. I don't know if they're just meant to perform, and I can't feel it, but honestly, a lot of them just sound like a long drawn out sentence or a diary entry that you didn't think anyone would pick up.
I write poetry too, and I understand that it's just supposed to be an expression of emotion, a burst perhaps, but I don't feel there's a flow here.
Maybe emotion, maybe a cry for attention, but I don't know if there is really depth to it all.
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