Two words, one of which will be blocked out and become ****ing hell!
Are you insane? You think you can't write? Seriously, that was one of the most heartfelt and open and honest pieces of writing I have read since the last time I looked at Mr Dave's journal. What a horrible experience! Now, I know nothing about your family so won't judge your father, but it seems to be unconscionable that he should treat you that way, when after all, as a kid you really didn't know what you were wishing for. I know you say you believed it, wanted it wholeheartedly, and that shows incredible selflessness for a child of such a tender age, but really, had it happened you would not have welcomed it: who could?
But to take what is at its heart a powerfully courageous wish --- though misguided --- and have it literally slapped in your face! Surely he could have sat you down, explained why things happen and why it's wrong to wish for a disease, no matter the reason, and so on, instead of making you feel you were actively trying to die? And no doubt (well, maybe not: I don't know you, but it would seem likely) this contributed to your referred to suicide attempt five years later.
It's rare anyone lets us have a glimpse into their soul --- I sure as hell wouldn't --- but you've written a deep and intensely personal account here and should without question be applauded for it. I'm glad you started a journal, and look forward to more from you.
As for trying to describe music, I would stay away (as you've already decided to do) from cold descriptions of chords, notes etc, as most people, myself included, don't play and can't distinguish one chord from another by ear, so it means nothing to them. Just write for yourself: don't worry about how people will interpret it. They'll do that as it suits each person. All you need to get across is your knowledge of, love or hate for and interest in the music you're discussing.
And if you get stuck, do what I do: make up words. Some I have so far are "chingling", "synthery", "wurbling" and "chuggering". As long as they get across the idea of what you want to convey, who cares if they exist? Hey, you might start up a whole new trend.
Till next time, be well.
TH
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
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