I thought this was mostly great. The imagery of destroying the flower was really good. Keep it up, change a few lines and you'll be onto a winner. I've just quoted the lines which struck me as a bit flat here, which are the ones I would change, were I in a position to. In the bit where it goes "love off, love on. This is all you can depend on." you could maybe put the "love off..." line where the next line comes and change "This is all..." to something else, when I read this aloud the meter didn't really sound right for what you had originally. Keep going though - its by reworking and rethinking songs that you get them to sound great, apparently
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ma Cherie
Love is Dead
never forget
that nothing is wrong
this is all you can depend on
and all you do is let out a sigh
all of this means that nothing is bad
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