I agree. You need to choose very carefully when, and if, you ever use a curse word. Such a soft mellow song, that doesn't work often because curse words are generally angry words. You need to think of each word and the feeling they give off.
Example:
Joe left the word from of his essay.
The word "left" implies that it was done quickly without much thought. He just left it out. Maybe even forgotten.
Joe omitted the word from his essay.
Gives you the feeling that he thought carefully about. There had to be a reason he omitted the word. Bottom line, they mean the exact same thing, but they leave you with different impressions. "Damn" holds a lot hot energy. The melody and mood you created with it in just those few lines makes it stand out. Like a splotch of red in a pool of blue. If you had built the mood into something that could handle that hot energy and put the word there, it may be different. Like, for example, the outro/last verse thing may be able to hold it. Or something you are REALLY wanting to draw attention to. You may want to put a dot of red. Otherwise, its a safe bet you want to stick to your tone you've created.
Also, this is just an idea. You changed your rhyming pattern for that last verse. ABCB to ABAA. It would build into a stronger climax if you made it all rhyme. It would make it roll better because the lines are so drawn out, by the time you finish the second line of that last verse, most other songs are on they're fourth. That's when your listener expects something to come to a conclusion and, if it doesn't, it can really easily sound choppy. Off the top of my head, you could write "A product of poor taste." or whatever you may want. It's YOUR song.
And if you don't mind, whats this song about? I think I have an idea, but the lyrics seem to contradict themselves at times. Or at least to me. Other than that everything's good. And remember, these are all just suggestions. Don't need to listen to me.
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