mr dave

First off keep everything in 1 thread instead of spamming up the subforum (whether or not it's what you intend it's how it looks). It'll make you seem more professional as opposed to some hyper kid desperate for attention (which is also what asking for views sounds like).

You also rhyme monosyllabicly.

one - done
hours - hour (really?)
strong - belong
thinking - speaking

and in your other thread...

night - tight - fights - right
mine - fine - decline - combine
heart - apart - start

Essentially your rhyming pattern is A-A B-B C-C, there's no mixing it up and the subject matter sounds weak. Like you're puppy dogging for some girlie attention without actually finishing up a full thought.

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i am the universe