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Before I make this post, I just want to say that journaling has proven to be a little harder than I expected. Admittedly, I'm a self-conscious writer (a self-conscious person, really). That has really come across in my first few posts, especially because I haven't been sleeping regularly in the past few days.

I'm used to going through the mental process of getting a good sense of my audience before I share my writing- to look at their faces and listen for verbal cues. All I have to work with here is text and smileys. I need to remember that. I usually don't share my writing at all. I often feel somewhat alienated, in that my word choice and perspective aren't what most people would consider 'relatable.' I tend to expect that whatever I have to say isn't even worth saying. I know I'm not alone in my feeling this way, but honestly, it is what it is.

I've noticed that consistently, other people feel distant from my point of view; and it keeps me at arms' length most of the time. I need to look at what I want to accomplish with this journal, so that there's a chance that it might help me to become a more "readable" writer; and that instead of being stand-offish or alienating, maybe I can become more inviting.

So here are my goals (breaking down the 4th wall a little with this):
By 2013, I hope to improve on the following faults and habits-

1. I will do something about my lack of knowledge about music. I've realized that I have some fatal gaps in my knowledge, which comes across as quite redundant and naive. I need to read other members' reviews. It's like asking for help. I'm not so supernaturally talented that I couldn't use some outside inspiration.

2. I will overcome self-doubt with dignity and self-respect. Instead of writing and re-writing the same sentence over and over, searching for the right words, I will simply speak my mind, and say what I mean to say. Let the words flow. It makes for better conversation, so it should work in making better writing. It will take time, but soon enough, I want to make it look easy.

Note to self: Write like you're talking to a confidante; as if each sentence comes at the spur of the moment, not a future event to be prepared for (that "Submit Reply" button)

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Anyway, back to ...
The Sunday Post

This is a section that discusses the Christian music I like. (No, I'm not gonna preach at you) This is the music I grew up with, the music I really have a good grasp on, and looks at life from a perspective I can relate to, even though it's presented differently by different people. Christianity can be a very difficult subject of conversation, and has been for as long as its existence; shrouded in controversy, both within and outside of the Christian body. That pains me. For a bunch of people who preach words of peace, many their actions (and often my own) fail to bring about the very things they preach. The news likes to headline the outspoken, angry, and hateful Christians whose fire and brimstone plants the seeds of war between people. But what bothers me more than our reputation is the fact that the idea of prideful conformity appears to reign over the principle of humble honesty. At the end of the day, we are all human beings, deserving of compassion. There is no "them" and "us," there are only people- equalized by our imperfection.

Much of the mainstream Christian music over the past few decades has been tailor-made to fit the churchgoers' aesthetic. It's mostly been Adult Contemporary, Pop-Rock and Easy Listening music with earnest messages and easily quotable verses (which more often than not are plastered all over my Facebook timeline by friends of mine). I'd put a lot of Christian rock in that category, like Switchfoot, Relient K and Hawk Nelson. Probably 50+% of my music fits that profile, and radio-friendly CCM (Christian Contemporary Music) has meant a lot to me over the years. But it hasn't been until recently that I started to ask myself if there wasn't more to it than the daytime radio perspective, since I've met a lot of Christians with very different views than my own. Turns out there was.

I personally think that in our current society, most people who end up attending church regularly are, well, "church people". People who like to take a simple, practical, optimistic view of life, and enjoy community and social events; the little old lady, the conservative soccer mom and white collar dad next door, your substitute teacher; But then there are some who the regular "church people" sometimes have a harder time relating to, who are complex and introverted, philosophical and ruminative, maybe even scientists, tattoo artists, goths, etc.,. I'm talking about the ones on the fringes who were misunderstood, like Galileo or Sir Isaac Newton; the so-called heretics of their day. These artists, pushed to the fringes of popularity due to their inability to fit in, have something meaningful to say- but unfortunately their voices often go unheard.

Whether you're into Christianity, religion or spirituality; whether you hate it, don't know what to think about it, of it makes you feel uncomfortable; I'd hate to see perfectly good music go unheard- so many peoples' art and ideas going to waste seems like a tragedy to me. All because Christians won't listen to it because it's weird, and non-Christians won't listen to it because it's Christian.

Aleixa is one my current favorite examples of a Christian band on the fringes. They received a lot of negative feedback on their album from Christians because, in their eyes, instead of focusing on hope and happiness; "making a joyful noise" ; they chose to "wallow in misery".

I see what they mean, but my view is quite different. In the liner notes, aleixa describes their whole-hearted belief in hope and redemption, and the point of their album is that they are being honest about their feelings of depression, hopelessness, rage, self-loathing, and crippling anxiety (all things I have experienced and overcome on a regular basis). Instead of running from these feelings and repressing them, they face them head-on and submit them to, what they have found to be, a higher authority. My favorite aspect of their music is that sense of raw honesty; when they're in a rut, they discuss it, they deal with it, they don't sweep it under the rug. These are the kinds of things that many Christians I know resist talking about their deeper issues because they worry about what people will think. That's a problem. aleixa reminds me that it's natural to feel what I feel, that I can talk about it, and that I don't have to be defined by my struggles.

They also have a really great EBM sound; a kind of house/pop/metal hybrid (labelled by most underground CCM sites as "industrial") that's been described as "Debbie Gibson in a blender." The synths are very well orchestrated, the vocals are dynamic and skillfully executed (I love their harmonies). They have a healthy dose of heavy guitar spliced in as well, giving the whole thing an edgy feel.

If you feel so inclined, give 'em a listen.



"pain of the mind can often be worse than pain of the body"


"sometimes strange things can be very beautiful"





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