Originally Posted by Trollheart
I've disowned/been disowned by both my brothers. When my sister was diagnosed with MS in 2001, it was (naturally) a hell of a shock to us all but I foolishly thought it would bring the family together. The two brothers were married and obviously out of the house, but we still connected reasonably regulalry. Once my sis got sick though (well, not right away, but when it became apparent that she was REALLY sick) the two of them just more or less drifted away. We hardly ever --- no, in the last two years, never --- get any communication of any kind from either of them, and it's hard enough trying to look after my sis without feeling they got off scott-free, as it were.
I worked for almost 30 years, the last six or seven of which were balanced with looking after my sister, who was at home now, having been let go from her job one year after being diagnosed. In 2009 I took voluntary redundancy from my job to look after her fulltime, by which time she had become totally bedbound and dependent on me. In 2011 she had what she describes as a stroke, but basically it looks like the MS just pumped up the volume, so to speak, and her condition got a lot worse. Whereas before she could sit on the side of the bed to eat, and feed herself, make it to the commode albeit with some difficulty, after the stroke she was and is unable to move her legs except the tiniest bit, certainly can't take any weight on them and can no longer feed herself. I now literally have to do everything for her, including, well, the toilet stuff.
None of which I have a problem with. She's my sister and I love her more than anything. It's not her fault she got hit with this, as I constantly remind her when she apologises for "being so disgusting" when I have to clean her up etc. I would of course prefer this was not the case, but there it is and I deal with it. No big thing. Well, you know what I mean: no point complaining about it and feeling sorry for myself. I only have to look after her, it's she that's in constant pain, can't move and is totally reliant on me for every single thing. I even had to specially adapt water bottles by punching a hole in the cap through which I could stuff a straw, as she can't really raise the bottle to her mouth and drink as you normally would. She's also prone to violent, terrifying coughing fits/loss of breath, one of which she had two nights ago, and let me tell you it was scary!
But I could live with all of this better if I had any sort of indication from the "Brothers Grimm", as she calls them, that they cared, would help, understood or even acknowledged her condition, or that they HAD a sister. For all they care, it would seem, we could both be dead, which is really sad as it could happen, and who would know? Who would tell them and what would they think? Would they even blame themselves? I'm upset and annoyed to say that I doubt it.
Why are people so insensitive? What makes them think that they, as siblings, have no responsibility to their sister, or to me? It's not like I'm asking for regular visits or anything, but hell, a phone call once a month, a card, even a friggin' email would be nice. But nothing. From one end of the year to the other, we don't even hear from them. Zip. Nothing. Nada.
And yet (and I guess this is the confession part, in case you were wondering) I can't bring myself to hate them. I resent the stance they've taken (which is totally incomprehensible to me), I pity them, I feel cold towards them and I guess in a way I mourn the loss of my brothers, but I can't hate them. I hate almost no-one, except my ****bag of a father. But then, he did abuse BOTH my sisters, and my mam died twenty years, now, before him, and he still persists in walking this earth. No justice.
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