Before the break...
GAAAAHHH! I am so SICK of living in a world that caters to the “new customer” leaving the “old customer” hanging! I'm not necessarily talking about the banks (though I'll come back to them): what really fries me these days is the recap on just about every documentary these days, often following every ad break. They tell you what just happened, bringing anyone up to speed who may just be tuning in. So you get something like “Over the Indian Ocean, Lufthansa flight 133 is in trouble!” This is something you've just watched, there's been a break, and when they come back you hear this. Yes, I know: I've been watching it! Next break, same thing with a little bit more added in, to cover what happened in the part since the previous break: “Lufthansa 133, an A300 flying from Frankfurt to Singapore, has developed mechanical problems in one engine. Now the second is stuttering. Captain Gunther Heinz has decided to send out a mayday”.
What annoys me about these recaps is, well, several things. Firstly, they take time away from the actual story: yes it's only seconds but add in the time for the “coming up” (another hate of mine) section, the ads and the credits and you must be losing a good 20% of the show. But not only that, they also presuppose that someone is coming into the show halfway. Few people do; if you see something that's already started you have three choices these days: record it or look for it on a “plus one” channel so you get the start, leave it or sit down and watch it. If you choose the last option you should be intelligent enough to be able to pick up what's going on. I mean, who really asks “Why is that plane in trouble? What happened to the engine? Where are they now?” Christ, just pay attention to the programme and you'll pick it up. You shouldn't need someone spoonfeeding you the “here's what happened before you came in” bit, for two reasons: A you're (hopefully) a reasonable human being who can work the premise out for yourself and B you couldn't be bothered to get the start of the programme, so why should you be specially catered to now that it's half over?
It's similar, and just as stupid, as someone walking in halfway through a film at the cinema and expecting them to run a voiceover telling them what they missed. They're not going to do that: you want to see the movie in its entireity, turn up for the beginning. If you arrive late for a wedding, are they going to rerun it for you, or tell you what you missed? And if you walk into a gig halfway through the set, are the band going to replay for you what went on in the first half? If you want to see something from the beginning, it's up to you to be there. If there's a show you want to see, or think you might enjoy, make your arrangements. There's really no excuse these days, with Sky Plus, TiVO, internet TV, torrents and live pause: it's actually harder to miss something than it is to see it. Chances are, with digital TV the way it is today, it'll be repeated anyway, either later that day or in a few days. So you really have very little chance of missing anything.
Yet those of us who are actually interested in the programme, as opposed to flitting like demented humming-birds from channel to channel in search of something they might like, have to constantly suffer these “before the break” recaps, and I've lost count of the amount of times I've growled at the telly “I KNOW! I Know! I've been sitting here ****ing watching it! What are you telling me for?” I find it very frustrating, and something of an insult to me as a regular or at least interested/invested viewer. I've taken the time to sit down and watch this, but someone who hasn't is being prioritised over me. Of course, the channels want to pull in the new viewer, the casual viewer, in the hope presumably that they'll get interested and watch the programme again, but that's unlikely to happen in most cases. If people are that flighty that they'll just zip around watching bits of programmes, there's no guarantee they'll come back to it. But I will. I enjoy this show, so why not treat ME as the important viewer, instead of Mr or Miss Humming Bird?
Which of course leads us to the banks, Sky, Insurance companies, anyone who wants your business. It constantly annoys me that new offers, special deals etc are only ever aimed at new customers. You could be twenty years with a bank, an insurer, whoever, and yet you won't be able to avail of the “great new offer” they're doing, as it “applies to new customers only”. What does that say about the loyal, longtime customers? We know we have YOU, we don't care about YOU, YOU're going nowhere! But we want THIS GUY! Well, thanks a lot, that really makes me feel special.
Finally, it also drives me mad when on the likes of “The Apprentice” (one of the few reality shows I watch), they're given a task, and then all through the show they constantly tell the camera what that task is! “Our task this week was to sell burgers.” I KNOW! I saw Trump/Sugar tell you! I saw the start of the show! I've been watching. Stop telling me what your task is! I KNOW WHAT IT IS!"
Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on “Coming up” or “Next time” --- rants for another edition!
I just wish TV producers would credit us with a little more intelligence, and concentrate on those of us who are watching their show, who don't have to be enticed or coddled into watching it, and who are able to use our brains to work out what's going on without endless and pointless voiceovers. But I suppose that's asking too much, isn't it?
