Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA
My main impression, Conan, is that your paragraph sounds more like a philosophical essay than part of a fiction story...
..I feel the writing in the paragraph teeters on the edge of sounding grandiose.
I recommend you omit the "O Muse" because it makes the writing seem overly theatrical to me...
..The narrator's lecture about awe and the certainty in the narrator's tone made me question whether I can trust the narrator's view of reality, which made me think more deeply about the relationship between narrator and reader. Do you want me to feel sympathethic toward the narrator, or antagonistic, or trusting? What relationship do you want to exist between the reader and the narrator?
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These are actually factors that I liked in the writing. The chance to see life from the narrator's perspective, however grandiose. I guess if the narrator promises the chance to be awed by life the jaded cynic in me would like to hear more.