I enjoyed reading your poems because they are descriptive, voyeuristic vignettes about colorful personalities. For example, I like how you use words to paint an image succinctly: "dishwater blond," "a '30's fedora," "pearl-handled gun."
You also cleverly weave your ideas within the constraints of your rhyme scheme.
I have two suggestions that I thought of while reading your posts.
First, have you considered or already written about real people? (I'm assuming the two women described are imaginary.) The characters in your stories seem so flamboyantly strong that they feel unbelievable to me, a little like appealing cartoon characters. I'd enjoy seeing how your attention to, and pleasure in, details plays out when you describe a real person.
Second, have you played with other rhyme schemes besides abcb? (
Rhyme scheme - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). I tend to let myself fall into that rhyming pattern (because it just feels so satisfying to have all that rhyming!
), but I feel it is a good exercise to break out of it. I find that planning to use other rhyme schemes and varying the rhyme scheme within the poem opens up possibilities that might not arise when one follows a simpler rhyme scheme such as "abcb defe ghih" etc.
^ Mind you, this is based on seeing only two of your poems. I'm assuming they are poems rather than lyrics? Or are you planning to sing them?