Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio
I'm running into one enormous issue with my mom borrowing cash from me.
We get paid on opposite weeks, and no, I don't live with her. Whenever I get paid, though, she's broke from house payments, my sister's cheerleading, and what-have-you. I get to buy her dog food, whatever my fourteen year old sister needs (cheerleading, make-up, etc) and occasionally dinner.
She owed me $120 last time, and paid me back with $75. I let it slide and said nothing. This time, she ended up owing me $150, and paid me $40.
Now, it's my mom, and she's paid for me a lot when I was a kid...but, I mean, I have gas to pay, bills to pay, and still need money for food and Christmas shopping.
I don't want to call her out on it...but she makes at least 3x what I do per pay period, probably closer to 4x...and she spends so much cash going out on dates / with her friends...
Would I be at all justified in putting my foot down? I mean, I'd love to go out with friends, too, more than once per pay period. And she goes at least 5x per pay period.
Plus, I have a chick I'm kinda digging, but can't find the $ to justify hanging.
I want my mom to have a life, absolutely. I just want to, you know, have a life while I'm in my twenties is all...
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Y'know, I can always just read your posts to know that my life is way less drama-filled and complicated than I might think. Thanks!
I don't mean that in a derogatory way or anything! Just sayin'.
But yea, as for your situation, if you can't reasonably provide the funds to help your family out, you shouldn't feel bad about it. You have to be able to live, and she has to know that you can't be the only fallback in the equation. If she's lucid about that, she shouldn't have a problem with relying on someone else for support, and on the same token, you shouldn't have a problem with letting that happen.
Family is important, yea, but at the same time, they need to be respectful of your needs, and you definitely should be respectful of your own needs as well. Letting too many things slide might just be providing further invitations for similar situations, even though she may or may not be actually trying to manipulate those circumstances.
I think the best approach is to simply help when you can afford it, and when you help, let her know that you're going to require that reciprocation when you need it. If she's unwilling to provide it, then let her understand that while you care about her well-being, you literally can't afford to be her only option if she can't compensate you back when you need it.
Putting her in a position to actually consider consequences of her borrowing might be more likely to encourage her to either repay you or seek other sources once she understands the ramifications of you offering her support. Of course, that hinges on whether she cares about those ramifications at all, so it's up to you to set those boundaries and ascertain whether she acknowledges them or not, and then you should make future decisions based on her actions.