The Batlord

CAUTION!!!: Listening to High On Fire May Cause Bitchin' Interdimensional Rifts In the Space-Time Continuum - Part III a.

I was gonna do another recap, but fuck that shit. Takes too long, and I got places to be and poseurs to bitch smack. Anyways, Blind Guardian and I were travelling down the road between the weed fields, and I was desperately tempted to reach out and grab a bud...or two...or three. I kept my resolve though, since stealing bud is totally uncool, even if there is no way that anyone would ever notice...... Anyways, we finally came up to the castle gates and passed through. Blind Guardian decided to go their own way and find someplace to throw a concert in order to spread the word of Tolkien, not to mention to champion the cause of True Metal. I wanted to go with them so that I could properly wreck my neck, get wasted, and bang some skeezy metal chicks in the bathroom, but I had to go find the king. Bidding my Brothers In Arms good bye, I made my way through the city to the keep.

At the gates of the keep, I was stopped by the castle guards until they saw my Morbid Angel shirt, said "Bitchin'!", and let me pass. I found my way to the throne room, and was instantly hit by a giant, impossibly dense cloud of straight chronic smoke. The contact high was instant and profound. I started to make my way to the throne, but the thick haze of ganja smoke made it impossible to see clearly, and I smelled cupcakes somewhere to the left, which was as good a direction as any to go, since I was too baked to remember where the fuck I was anyway. On my way to the cupcakes, I noticed that there were hella bangin' stoner chicks everywhere, all wearing dreadlocks and Bob Marley shirts. They coulda shaved their armpits, but the weed was making me pretty horny, so it was all good. I thought I was starting to trip when I saw a goat-headed demon thing, but it was just some dude in a goat mask. I finally found the cupcakes, which were vanilla with chocolate frosting and multi-colored sprinkles, but it turned out that they were "special" cupcakes. So, now almost comatose, I just zoned out in a comfy ass chair while some dude I didn't know talked my ear off about how the US needed to stop supporting Israel or some shit. I woulda told him to fuck off, since only poseurs give a shit about the middle east, but two chicks were making out right next to us, so I just watched them and tried to cop a feel. About two hours later, I 'd finally sobered up enough to actually get out of the chair, so I cock puched that annoying twat who had seriously been talking at me for two straight hours!

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