VEGANGELICA

Uh_Me, I felt that was quite good, especially considering you wrote the lyrics very quickly and recorded the song in 1 hour while not being able to sing out with full breath support!

I like your electric guitar playing with a pleasant solo instrumental section between the 2nd and 3rd verses (although I'd truncate the solo slightly). I like the lyrics, too. They and the person described interested me, especially since you used the word "cantata," which I don't recall ever hearing in a song before!

I do have some suggestions:

1) I recommend you slow the song down a little so that you don't have to rush the lyrics so much.

Sometimes it sounded to me as if you were having a hard time packing all those words in there to match the rhythm you had set with the guitar. I'm someone who loves lots of words, so I tend to like to cram a lot in there, too! Yet I really did feel from your song that the words were too rushed.

2) I feel that the song would benefit very much from inclusion of a distinct bridge section.

Right now the song structure sounds simply like 4 verses, with a guitar solo in the middle and at the end:

Guitar solo (nicely relaxed)
Verse 1
Verse 2
Guitar solo 1
Verse 3
Verse 4
Guitar solo 2

^ This sounds a little incomplete to me. I listened to the song 3 times, and the second time it was over even before I really felt it had fully begun!

I realized I was waiting for some high point in the song, like when you climb a mountain and get to the top and suddenly see the brilliant sun streaming through the clouds onto the landscape tapestry below. In comparison, your song feels to me like walking in the valley by a very rapid little river, and it is a pleasant walk, but I miss the feeling of ascension that a "bridge" can give.

I recommend you consider expanding your song structure and lyrics into this:

* Guitar intro
* Verse 1
* Verse 2
* Guitar solo 1 (but shorten it slightly, probably by half)
* Verse 3
* Verse 4
* Guitar solo 2 (but slightly shorter)
* Bridge (with even more energy and a slightly different melody, perhaps with fewer words per line so the lyrics don't rush by so fast)
* Verse 4 (with more energy than the last time it was sung/played)
Guitar solo 3 (perhaps using the end of guitar solo 1 that you have deleted from it)

3) Vocals: you mentioned the issues you had (due to having to record quietly) so I know you weren't able to sing out fully, but I'll go ahead and critique what I heard.

I feel when you re-record, your main goal should be to even out your voice, stripping it of most vibrato (so each note sounds equally loud from beginning to end without any wavering), which probably requires more airflow.

Also, I recommend you use a pop filter to avoid those bursts of air...but that is really only needed for a final recording!

4) I can imagine the addition of drums partway into the song as the energy builds, and I think that would greatly add to the song. Either that, or you could layer some more guitar harmony in the more energetic parts of the song through recording separate tracks. I think having drums would be best, though.

I hope this helps!

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