i like it! it needs some work for sure, but it's pretty damn good mate!
referencing what vegangelica said about cramming words in: i agree that you could go the route of slowing the song down, but i like the tempo and i think there are ways you can get all those words in there without compromising the groove that the current tempo is contributing to. i would honestly recommend listening to, memorizing and and practising some rap songs... or maybe some ani difranco or someone like that who is "stylistically verbose." i don't think you are verbose btw, i just think that if you get more comfortable with different rhythms and ways of laying down syllables you can make it work at the same tempo it's at now. i don't take issue with how fast the syllables are flying by, but more with the way that they are placed.
but indeed impressive for such a quick recording.
i also kinda dig the way your voice sounds so stressed out. i like hearing tension in the voice. i think you need to put a leash on it and teach it how to heel, but i like the effect nonetheless.
keep up the good work brother.
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