Quote:
Originally Posted by Cenotaph
[FONT="Georgia"]I've been writing a lot lately, and I would really appreciate it if I received some constructive criticism. 
Here are a few poems (out of many) that I am somewhat content with:
Poem 1
Velvet, pinholed ocean,
Always in motion --
Frozen stoic (in illusion).
Sun's vanity spotlights
Pseudo-sunlight with
The staccato of man's
Light and shy starlight.
Even our planetary egos
Seem/are atomic
When we view it. |
You seem to have the same issue I had for a while: Clouding anything resembling emotion with flowery prose and punctuation. I seriously advise, now, against using parentheticals. There are exceptions, but just using them stylistically, they really don't add anything to the emotions of the piece. Also, this piece isn't something a reader can connect with. It's too goddamned vague. Again, another problem I had. There are (possibly) good ideas here, but it's not relatable, it's vague, and it's ultimately just semi-related words jumbled together to sound pretty. Remember, when you're writing something, it may be for you, but other people are going to read it, too - especially if you're wont to share. Make it relatable at least. If you have something to say, then, by all means, say it. Don't jumble upon a vague concept with pretty language and think that you're deep because that's where just about every wannabe poet I've met has fallen short in their beginning phases, and cringed upon afterwards.
Poetry says something. Poetry isn't linguistic masturbation.