Once and once only, near the start of my sister's illness. It wasn't that which was the catalyst. What happened was I had stupidly ignored paying bills and our gas got turned off. We owed 500 Euro and no way to pay it. She was at home in the cold and I felt totally **** because there was no excuse, I was just a lazy ****er back then. On the way to work I contemplated, for the first and only time in my life, both robbing a woman who came walking along the path (that idea lasted about 1.4 seconds) and then throwing myself in the nearby river.
What stopped me was I realised I had made no will, and that without some financial benefit coming from my "suicide" it would be of less use to my sis than if I stayed alive. Plus I then thought even any possible financial consideration would be outweighed and almost invalidated by my leaving her on her own.
So that was my one thought, and since I've never considered it, nor would I. No matter how bad things might get, I have more than one person to think about now. Can't be selfish...
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
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