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CLOSER · 03-09-2013, 02:01 AM

I am sorry about your brother, mother - and the stress you must be going through. Some of your brother's behavior that you've described correlates to incidents in my life to the T that I've witnessed. A former friend, a family member, etc. This is why I believe my opinion will offer you a unique perspective.

Since high school he has not had a consequence. Made it through graduation, and financial responsibilities are aided by your father. Even if it means lying to the paper, your brother knows it will be done. Your parents clearly love him very much. In no way am I accusing your parents for poor actions - in fact they sound fantastic. However with what it sounds like their son is going through, there is a different type of aid needed. Now you are at the point where it sounds like he is at an emotional rock bottom. He is still in there, the 'loving caring person' that you refer to. He just forgot how to be him. With practicing escaping from the reality of accountability, compassion and honesty - he has accepted this disconnected person he has become.

As a brother it sounds like you have done your best to be patient, assertive and even took the role as detective with visiting former work places. Unfortunately it's time to understand that the next steps really are not up to you, your mom or dad. What does your brother want to do? Who is he? A scumbag drug addict? Or a 19 year old self medicating to cope with what he perceives to be intolerable feelings? It sounds like the only decisions he's ever made were ones completely opposite to paths he has been given.

The harsh reality is that however much assistance your family gives him, he must decide this life is not what he wants. In fact you can not fix him. The best way I can say it is, you can not stitch a wound that only wants to bleed.

Elaborate lies, " A week after that announcement he told us that he quit because he wasn't being treated fairly".. all sound like ways to cope with an unlikeable self. Is his internal mantra one which chants the woes of an unfair life?

Professional help, and a little more patience to endure. You have been a great brother. It will be a while before your brother can be a good one back, or even begin being a son - if he still does not know how to function just as himself.

I'm sure a lot of what I've said is over simplified or presumptuous. I can only hope that perhaps bits and pieces might offer insight.

Best wishes.

03-09-2013, 02:01 AM	#10 (permalink)
CLOSER Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 113	I am sorry about your brother, mother - and the stress you must be going through. Some of your brother's behavior that you've described correlates to incidents in my life to the T that I've witnessed. A former friend, a family member, etc. This is why I believe my opinion will offer you a unique perspective. Since high school he has not had a consequence. Made it through graduation, and financial responsibilities are aided by your father. Even if it means lying to the paper, your brother knows it will be done. Your parents clearly love him very much. In no way am I accusing your parents for poor actions - in fact they sound fantastic. However with what it sounds like their son is going through, there is a different type of aid needed. Now you are at the point where it sounds like he is at an emotional rock bottom. He is still in there, the 'loving caring person' that you refer to. He just forgot how to be him. With practicing escaping from the reality of accountability, compassion and honesty - he has accepted this disconnected person he has become. As a brother it sounds like you have done your best to be patient, assertive and even took the role as detective with visiting former work places. Unfortunately it's time to understand that the next steps really are not up to you, your mom or dad. What does your brother want to do? Who is he? A scumbag drug addict? Or a 19 year old self medicating to cope with what he perceives to be intolerable feelings? It sounds like the only decisions he's ever made were ones completely opposite to paths he has been given. The harsh reality is that however much assistance your family gives him, he must decide this life is not what he wants. In fact you can not fix him. The best way I can say it is, you can not stitch a wound that only wants to bleed. Elaborate lies, " A week after that announcement he told us that he quit because he wasn't being treated fairly".. all sound like ways to cope with an unlikeable self. Is his internal mantra one which chants the woes of an unfair life? Professional help, and a little more patience to endure. You have been a great brother. It will be a while before your brother can be a good one back, or even begin being a son - if he still does not know how to function just as himself. I'm sure a lot of what I've said is over simplified or presumptuous. I can only hope that perhaps bits and pieces might offer insight. Best wishes. Last edited by CLOSER; 03-09-2013 at 02:08 AM.