The Lay of Sigurd: Remixed Part IX b.
The poseur army was regrouping and setting up a defensive line. They drove a line of pikes into the ground pointing outward to impale our horses. But Joey held his sword into the air and the Light of True Metal shone on it so that the enemy was blinded and cast their faces into the dirt. We then drove into their ranks and the poseurs could do naught to stand against the assault of the True Faith. They tried to flee, but their army was enclosed by the steep walls of the valley and their own numbers so that there was no place to maneuver and no place to run. We slew on the left hand and we slew on the right. All who came before us fell with fear and blood. Yet the enemy was great and their numbers almost endless, and it was long ere we fought our way to the mouth of the valley, but eventually all had fallen or were fleeing except for one mass of poseurs. In the middle, mounted on four great horses, were Metallica. They had been Defenders of the Faith in days past, and a slender ray of that Light still shone even now and they refused to retreat or surrender. Their bodyguard was valiant, but even they could not long stand before us and we soon breached their line. While these forces fought fiercely Johan Hegg, Joey DeMaio with his bannerman, Oscar Dronjak, and I rode before Metallica and halted.
They were proud and scornful and gazed at us with wrath. As if by tacit agreement we all dismounted and faced one another. Joey with head held high and his sword held at his side squared off with Robert Trujillo saying, "You were a fool to sell out and side with these poseurs. I'll show you what a real bassist looks like." Trujillo only smirked and drew his sword. Oscar Dronjak pointed his sword at Kirk Hammett with a challenge, "I am Oscar Dronjak, bannerman to Lord Joey DeMaio, and I shall cut you down in the name of my Lord and True Metal." Raising his sword, Hammett spoke, "I accept your challenge, cur, and I promise that this mistake shall be your last." With his sword perched on his shoulder and an amused look on his face Johan approached Lars Ulrich, "I would cut off your head, Master Ulrich, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. I guess I'll give it a shot anyway." Enraged, Ulrich retorted, "You would die before your stroke fell!" With only one opponent left I called out to James Hetfield, "You don't know how long I've waited for this,
Jim. I'm gonna kill the f
uck outta you for the disillusionment of my childhood!" Hetfield looked at me with mirthful contempt, "Pathetic. Losers with bad haircuts like you are a dime a dozen." With that the battle was joined. I charged Hetfield and swung Gram over my head. He blocked it one-handed and I swung again at his side, but again he blocked my stroke as if I were a child. I hacked and slashed at him but he only laughed as he easily blocked every blow. Angered, I stabbed straight for his chest, but he parried and sidestepped. I stumbled forward and he struck me in the temple with the hilt of his sword. I crumpled to the ground, my vision swimming. He laughed cruelly and mocked me, "Pathetic. Is this the best that
True Metal has to offer?
True Metal! Nothing but s
hitty music for sad rejects and angry teenagers who hate their parents. Perhaps you should grow up and stop being such a fool." I staggered to my feet and now I was the one laughing. Frowning, Hetfield asked, "And what's so funny?" and I said with contempt, "You. You're the one who's pathetic. You betrayed True metal and everything that it stands for, and for what? Money? Idiots who'd be just as happy listening to Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park or Three Days Grace? I used to hate you. Now I see that you're just sad and weak. Now I feel sorry for you. You're not even worth hating." His face twisted with rage, he attacked me with reckless abandon, but the Light of True Metal had suffused my limbs and now it was I who turned aside every one of his blows. With rage he swung with all of his strength at my head and I brought Gram up to block. When Hetfield's sword struck my own it shattered and he became off balance. With all of my strength I struck him in the face with the flat of my blade and he collapsed to the ground, his face streaming with blood. With the last of his strength he dragged himself to his knees and gazed up at me in a daze. With a smile on my face I told Hetfield, "You know all this aside, I just want to say that
Master of Puppets changed my life and that I'm a huge fan!" and then I struck off his head. Then I looked to see that Joey, Johan, and Oscar had all likewise slain their foes and were smiling in weary triumph. Looking down I grasped the head by its hair, lifted it into the air, and shouted, "The poseur king is dead! Long live True Metal!" A great cheer rose from our armies, "LONG LIVE TRUE METAL!!!"