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Old 03-31-2013, 03:26 PM   #280 (permalink)
Trollheart
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Default The Music Journals Weekly Update Post, w/e March 31 2013

Ah hoy-hoy! After the shocking peformance of that Homer Simpson last week I've decided to draft in someone who knows what he's talking about and who --- what? For the love of --- he just gave you a basket of chocolate ovoids and hopped away? But this is HIS day, Smithers! How could he? Oh very well then, get on the blower to the other fellow. You have? Excellent. When will he be arriving? What? Too busy? Out showing off to his friends? Oh well that's just typical of him, isn't it? Look at me! I've risen from the dead! I'm the greatest! Pah!

Very well then, you leave me no choice: call him hence! What? I don't know how --- I thought you did ---? Look, he's bound to be in the book isn't he? No? Under D? B? S? Oh for the love of Peter! Wait a moment! Doesn't he have one of those Facing Book pages? Yes, yes, excellent. Summon him via that method then.

Hmmm? He did, did he? Good. Yes, he knows I won't bankroll his wife's screenplay if he doesn't play ball. Look, here he comes...

BWA HA HA HA! GREETINGS, PUNY MORTALS! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF! I AM KNOWN BY MANY NAMES: MEPHISTOPHELES. ABBADON. LUCIFER. BEEELZEBUB. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ... THE DEVIL! TREMBLE AS I POUR SCORN UPON YOUR PATHETIC WRITINGS WITH MY MIGHTY

is he gone?

Ah, wonderful. I hate all that shouting and posturing, you know, but it's in the contract. People have given me such a bad rap over the millennia, and really, if they just gave me a chance and got to know me they'd realise I'm GOING TO GRIND YOUR BONES AND SPILL YOUR BLOOD gone again is he? Thanks for that warning.

As I was saying, my reputation unfortuantely precedes me. And all because of one comment. I mean, I merely mention to God that he could stand to lose a few pounds, not getting any younger you know, and it's all "GET THEE HENCE" and "BEHIND ME SATAN!" I don't know why he has to shout: like I told him, I'm the Devil not the Deaf-il! Yes, terrible joke I know but Hell doesn't exactly lend itself to humour, terrible place. And I HATE the heat. Not to mention that if I see one more pitchfork...

But I digress. I tried to calm him down, but he was having none of it. Said I could leave if I felt that way and, well, you know how it is: things said that can't be taken back, feelings hurt, hormones raging, burly angels manhandling you out of the Gates of Heaven --- we've all been there. Personally, I think he was just upset when he found out about my life choices, but you know, to thine own self be true, and all that. Can't change who you are.

That's why it's nice to be able to kick back once in a while. I have quite the interest in music --- they do call rock and roll the Devil's Music, after all! --- so this should be interesting. Let me just pop some brownies in the oven --- you like the apron, do you? People say it brings out the fire in my eyes, heh heh. You'll have me blushing next! Now, let's just settle into a comfy chair and let me get my favourite My Little Pony pen and we can begin.

Seems the thing to do is go alphabetically, so we start off with the Batlord, who this week concludes his amazingly funny and well-written, not to mention hugely entertaining, account of the defence of True Metal in a faraway land. This is the kind of thing, apparently, that happens in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html --- great stuff! I'm a fan...

And he also has a second, not quite so wordy journal here where http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lks-about.html --- doing a lot of Cleveland art rock and such at the moment; bands like Electric Eels, Tin Huey and Uncle Tupelo. May add some of them to my infernal ipod...

So we move on to Ki, who's still "flashing back" to the music of his youth in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...er-things.html, featuring artistes like Ashley Parker Angel and Killswitch Engage: oooh! Last one too noisy for my tastes! Still, check his writing out; it's pretty solid.

Pedestrian takes a more artistic approach in her journal http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...sswalking.html, where you'll find more examples of her excellent work on "Autotune the Unicorn". Some real talent there.

And staying with P, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ychedelia.html is the journal of PoorOldPo, who is looking at artistes as diverse as Flying Eyes and Bibio to Charles Ives. Psychedelic man!

After an absence of FOUR YEARS Brad Stengel is back with us, and he's going through his 100 top Garage/punk bands in his journal http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...rgy-sound.html. Good to have you back Brad (it says here).

Trollheart's been doing a lot of work on his various journals this week. In the main one, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html he's continuing his tribute to Ireland's favourite son, Rory Gallagher, and reviewing albums by Al Stewart, Illusive Mind and The Black Atlantic, while also posting a musical tribute to the Easter RIsing of 1916. And other stuff is in there too, like the 200 Word Albums Review, Reasons to be Cheerful and more.

In http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html he's got reviews of albums by The Enid, Eric Clapton and Air, while over at http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html he's got the second episode of Love/Hate, and more to the point he's remembered the word "cinematic" is in the title, and reviews his first movie, "Dust Devil". Ooh! Scary! About time, too. He promises more film reviews soon.

Unknown Soldier is http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html and will be for some time, as he's only just getting through 1974 as we speak. Check his reviews of albums by UFO and Aerosmith, and watch for more soon no doubt. This man has forgotten more than you will ever know about seventies hard rock and metal!

Which leaves us with http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nal-stuff.html, where Urban Hatemonger is worrying about Bowie in drag. Yeah, I'm serious. Head to his journal and all will be revealed.

It's really quite amazing how you people manage to write such wonderful material. I wish I could write like that, but of course Down There you can't use pens, they melt and the paper burns. So it's nice to get a chance to SPIT ON YOUR CARCASSES AND REND YOU LIMB FROM LIMB IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP PRETTY DAMN FAST! YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO COME BACK AGAIN, NOW WOULD YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! (Ciao! let's do lunch sometime!)

Ah yes, wonderful, Satan, thank you so much. In your debt as ever. What? My soul? Why I believe you already own that ... Smithers' soul? Why yes I think that could be arranged. SMITHERS! Go with the Devil. Don't argue, just do it! And as for you people, I want to see much better writing next week or by thunder you'll have me to answer to! STOP stuffing those chocolate eggs in your mouths and LISTEN to me!

They are? Why, so they are. Just like the ones that Easter Bunny left -- well, couldn't hurt I suppose. MMMFFF! My goodness, these ARE tasty! Er, that's all for this week, see you all next week.
Toodles.

Note: There is no proof to support the statement that Smithers and Satan were seen entering a well-known gay hotspot, arm-in-arm, and any talk of a job offered to Smithers has been denied by the Burns Corporation as a baseless rumour, put about by his business rivals with the express intention of driving down his share prices.
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