Music Banter - View Single Post

DontRunMeOver · 10-31-2005, 06:05 AM

I like it, particularly because you can tell this one is actually A LYRIC and not some poem that somebody has tried to excuse by saying 'oh, I'll put music to it. Look at it written on a page and its ok - read it aloud and its much better. Good work.

Criticism? Well we've got to include some, so I'd say that the "on the objects which fly by way too fast" line needs to be changed as to me as saying 'the objects' seems pretty meaningless and 'way too fast' is just a clumsy phrase. That's the only line which really sticks out as a weak one.

10-31-2005, 06:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver They call me Tundra Boy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In your linen cupboard. Posts: 1,166	I like it, particularly because you can tell this one is actually A LYRIC and not some poem that somebody has tried to excuse by saying 'oh, I'll put music to it. Look at it written on a page and its ok - read it aloud and its much better. Good work. Criticism? Well we've got to include some, so I'd say that the "on the objects which fly by way too fast" line needs to be changed as to me as saying 'the objects' seems pretty meaningless and 'way too fast' is just a clumsy phrase. That's the only line which really sticks out as a weak one.