Britney Spears: ...One More Time
You bitches can lie all you want, but you know that at least once "Hit Me Baby One More Time", or "Oops...I Did It Again" has come on the radio and you didn't turn the station. Yet even someone like me who loves him some trashy teeny bopper pop has had the self respect to never actually listen to a Britney Spears album. I mean, she may have a few fun singles, but surely her albums are s
hit, right? We shall see...
Thank god it starts with the title track. I have no particular desire to jump right into album filler. At least now I can ease into the cluster f
uck of crap that is surely to come. Then you have the other big single, "Crazy". Maybe this won't be so bad.
Oh god. Third song is a s
hitty ballad. I already want to smother a twelve year old girl for being the audience for this. Next song.
Hahahahahahaha! It's a wanna be wanna be (no that's not a typo) reggae song! I guess it has what some dumb teeny bopper might think was a standard Bob Marley beat with a standard electronic pop beat over that and there's even what I must assume is a severely depressed, fourth-rate reggae singer singing the chorus. The best part, it's called "Soda Pop". I don't know whether I am delighted or indifferent.
And another god damn ballad. On the plus side it's called "I Was Born to Make You Happy", so...yay for misogyny. ANOTHER F
UCKING BALLAD!!! Alright, I'm actually going to listen to the whole thing for once. There must be something entertaining here...well, it's not necessarily offensive, but I really can't bring myself to care. Something tells me that with continued listening my good taste might be overridden and I might enjoy this, but one listen ain't gonna do it.
Thank god, not another ballad. It's not nearly as good as the first two songs, but I am sort of entertained. Damn it! Ballad! Alright, this is bulls
hit. I'm skimming the rest of the songs. Next song, not bad, but not great either. Skip. I just accidentally listened to the next ballad because I was ranting about bacteria and plants leaving my body the f
uck alone on MB, but it was just another s
hitty ballad. Would have skipped. Although on the plus side it was called "Email My Heart". Sort of win. Thank god, last song. Another not quite boring pop song. Skip. Scratch that. On second thought I am actually sort of entertained.
I wouldn't necessarily call that a miserable experience, but if I'd been forced to listen to that album in its entirety I would have wanted to rain down hot death on Britney Spears. If you have any desire to listen to this, then I urge you to reconsider. There is nothing on here that is even close to as entertaining as the two singles. Just listen to those songs and avoid the rest unless you are just feeling very bored and whimsical like me.
P.S. I'd just like to point out that Britney Spears was sixteen on the cover of this album. So, it's nice to know that they had not just the teeny bopper demographic on lock but the pedophile one as well.
P.P.S. While I certainly have some pervy feelings towards that cover, I was like twelve when it and the video to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" came out so my underage pervy nostalgia makes it okay. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.