Quote:
Originally Posted by Burning Down
I'm not sure... The psych had told me I was a borderline psychopath and I'm still unsure of what that means. There's criteria that I fall into and criteria that I don't fit. I guess it's not as cut and dry as it seems. Maybe I need to get a second opinion, but my problem with seeing psychiatrists is that I know how to manipulate the treatment so they think there's nothing wrong with me. CBT for my anxiety didn't end up working because I lied and said it was working and I was managing. I don't know how to stop manipulating treatments, so maybe I need to go see a more highly trained psychiatrist? But I can just handle it on my own so I think I'll be okay.
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LMFAO I just misread this about a hundred percent, in my world, CBT is cock and ball torture...then I realised cognitive behavioural therapy...I was like, BD what the f
uck?
Therapy is difficult for everyone I think, if you don't have a therapist you can trust, but I don't think that necessarily everyone with mental problems needs a therapist, often enough if you have a trusted friend/lover that can be very helpful with dealing with mental illness. I have a great group of GF's myself that I now know I can come to with my problems because I know I won't be judged and several of them know exactly how I feel because they go through similar things and I know that whatever happens they're there to love and support me whatever I do.
However I find that in my illness I can't trust lovers because they tend to take my illness personally, when in actuality even admitting my illness to them is a hardship for me. They take every action I do personally, like my ex used to really piss me off because I had a technique to deal with my hypersensitivity, I'd use logic to override my paranoia and I'd ask "Hey, I felt like you meant this, but since you're supposed to love me and say you care about me, did you really mean this?" and he'd get angry, because apparently to him that meant I didn't trust him. I did, at least for a while, but the problem was that my brain works against me and because he couldn't trust me back, I ended up eventually leaving him because he couldn't love all of me for who I was, I was either a sickness or a nursemaid. I have no time for that. Also because of my personality, he made assumptions that I was only with him because I was codependent, even though I stayed with him in the hospital when he was in a nasty car crash, took care of him when he needed me, left someone I really genuinely loved because he told me he needed me, cheated on me, totally forgot my birthday, and generally treated me like garbage.
Like wtf is wrong with you that you'd assume I'm codependent? I don't ****ing need you.