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Urban Hat€monger ? · 06-13-2013, 06:14 AM

Anything Trollheart Can Do, I Can Do Better

So the other day Trollheart was bigging himself up to me by telling me that he has balls of steel for reviewing albums by boy bands. Well fuck you Trollheart, you're not stealing my thunder so with that I introduce......

Urban Listens To Every Single 'Now That's What I Call Music' album.

So with that lets go back all the way to 28th November 1983 and begin with the first instalment where I'm promised 11 No.1 hits. WOW!!!

Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 1 Part 1

Phil Collins : You Can't Hurry Love
Oh dear God, now I'm going to have Phil Collins polluting my Last FM page for all eternity.
Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to be the last time I have to listen to this boring slaphead in this series.
Where the hell is Diana Ross & her 2 buddies when you need them?

Duran Duran : Is There Something I Should Know
Well it's no Girls On Film or Planet Earth but at least it's not Wild B-B-B-B-B-Boys or The R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Reflex, or anything else Simon Le Bon recorded with a stutter.

UB40 : Red Red Wine
How is it possible that I have heard this song approx 10,000 times in my entire lifetime without even trying. I just don't get it I have never, ever once said to myself 'I really want to listen to Red Red Wine by UB40 I think I'll go put it on'.
Never, not once.
Hell I'm listening to it now and I didn't even say that, I'm skipping this garbage.
There's a rap in the middle of this one, where did that come from?

Limahl : Only for Love
I thought the theme song to Never Ending Story was his only hit after leaving Kajagoogoo. Apparently not.
It says this was his debut single that got to No. 16 in the charts, so I guess I am right about that being his only hit.
He got lucky getting it as far as No16, this sounds like a bad white Prince imitation. At least it's not the sappy ballad I was expecting with that title.

Heaven 17 : Temptation
All you have to know is this is one of the greatest synthpop songs ever written and I love it just as much now as I did when I first heard it.

KC and the Sunshine Band : Give It Up
Before listening to this song I remembered sometime in my childhood liking a song called 'Give it Up' or something along those lines. Sadly this wasn't it. This is the song I remembered as being the annoyingly happy song that irritates me with a similar title to a song I like.

Malcolm McLaren : Double Dutch
It's funny how your mind plays tricks on you. I do have vague recollections of this song and I definitely remember reading about it years later saying how it broke down barriers and bought hip hop into the UK charts and what have you.
All I can say is if this is all true why does this sound like a giant turd coming out of my speakers.
Awful.

Bonnie Tyler : Total Eclipse of the Heart
I made a comment somewhere (Not here) on the Eurovision song contest saying I had no desire to listen to Bonnie Tyler in 1983 let alone now.
So I'm going to stick to that
Fuck off you Welsh tart.

Culture Club : Karma Chameleon
I quite liked Culture Club back then and I still do now, they put out some fantastic singles. This isn't one of my favourites but it beats having to listen to Bonnie Fucking Tyler.

Men Without Hats : The Safety Dance
This is one of those songs you see the song title but you can never remember how the song goes. Then you hear the song and you think 'OOOHHHH it's THAT one'.
And then the next time you see the song title you can't remember how it goes or if you hear it on the radio you forget the title.......
And so the whole vicious cycle begins again.

Kajagoogoo : Too Shy
I can't actually bring myself to slag this off because I used to quite like this at the time.
For some reason I always remember that the bass players name is Nick Beggs. I have no idea why I remember that but it says something that I can name him 30 years after his one and only hit and yet I couldn't name the other three in Coldplay at gunpoint.
So fuck you Coldplay

Mike Oldfield & Maggie Reilly : Moonlight Shadow
Can't listen to this song without thinking of this...

There's actually a pretty decent guitar solo at the end of this which I never knew about.

Men at Work : Down Under
Isn't it the law that you have to like this song?

Rock Steady Crew : (Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew
The song that REALLY bought Breakdancing & Hip Hop to the UK Charts.
And yes, I still love it.
Yes others came first but it wasn't until this came out that I began to see people with boomboxes doing it in the street on oversized pieces of cardboard suffering from headaches during the school holidays.

Rod Stewart : Baby Jane
Rod Stewart has always been a great enigma to me. I want to hate him but can't because of that voice which was made for singing dirty blues or garage rock. I loved him in The Faces, they were perfect for him. But then he had to go and leave them to start a solo career singing utter tat. At least some of his 70s tat was listenable & had some kind of novelty value. This is just shit.

Paul Young : Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)
True story, Paul Young bought a load of land off my Grandmother after the success of this to build a recording studio. Sadly the hits dried up shortly afterwards and his fame ran out before he could finish it and in the end he just sold the house that had been built there instead.
I want a make a joke about not seeing a hat or something while the house was being built but i'm fucked if I can think of one right now.
I'm so glad that my family are not responsible for a deluge of Paul Young albums to get released.

Part 2 coming very soon.

06-13-2013, 06:14 AM	#232 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Anything Trollheart Can Do, I Can Do Better So the other day Trollheart was bigging himself up to me by telling me that he has balls of steel for reviewing albums by boy bands. Well fuck you Trollheart, you're not stealing my thunder so with that I introduce...... *Urban Listens To Every Single 'Now That's What I Call Music'* album. So with that lets go back all the way to 28th November 1983 and begin with the first instalment where I'm promised 11 No.1 hits. WOW!!! Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 1 Part 1 Phil Collins : You Can't Hurry Love Oh dear God, now I'm going to have Phil Collins polluting my Last FM page for all eternity. Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to be the last time I have to listen to this boring slaphead in this series. Where the hell is Diana Ross & her 2 buddies when you need them? Duran Duran : Is There Something I Should Know Well it's no Girls On Film or Planet Earth but at least it's not Wild B-B-B-B-B-Boys or The R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Reflex, or anything else Simon Le Bon recorded with a stutter. UB40 : Red Red Wine How is it possible that I have heard this song approx 10,000 times in my entire lifetime without even trying. I just don't get it I have never, ever once said to myself 'I really want to listen to Red Red Wine by UB40 I think I'll go put it on'. Never, not once. Hell I'm listening to it now and I didn't even say that, I'm skipping this garbage. There's a rap in the middle of this one, where did that come from? Limahl : Only for Love I thought the theme song to Never Ending Story was his only hit after leaving Kajagoogoo. Apparently not. It says this was his debut single that got to No. 16 in the charts, so I guess I am right about that being his only hit. He got lucky getting it as far as No16, this sounds like a bad white Prince imitation. At least it's not the sappy ballad I was expecting with that title. Heaven 17 : Temptation All you have to know is this is one of the greatest synthpop songs ever written and I love it just as much now as I did when I first heard it. KC and the Sunshine Band : Give It Up Before listening to this song I remembered sometime in my childhood liking a song called 'Give it Up' or something along those lines. Sadly this wasn't it. This is the song I remembered as being the annoyingly happy song that irritates me with a similar title to a song I like. Malcolm McLaren : Double Dutch It's funny how your mind plays tricks on you. I do have vague recollections of this song and I definitely remember reading about it years later saying how it broke down barriers and bought hip hop into the UK charts and what have you. All I can say is if this is all true why does this sound like a giant turd coming out of my speakers. Awful. Bonnie Tyler : Total Eclipse of the Heart I made a comment somewhere (Not here) on the Eurovision song contest saying I had no desire to listen to Bonnie Tyler in 1983 let alone now. So I'm going to stick to that Fuck off you Welsh tart. Culture Club : Karma Chameleon I quite liked Culture Club back then and I still do now, they put out some fantastic singles. This isn't one of my favourites but it beats having to listen to Bonnie Fucking Tyler. Men Without Hats : The Safety Dance This is one of those songs you see the song title but you can never remember how the song goes. Then you hear the song and you think 'OOOHHHH it's THAT one'. And then the next time you see the song title you can't remember how it goes or if you hear it on the radio you forget the title....... And so the whole vicious cycle begins again. Kajagoogoo : Too Shy I can't actually bring myself to slag this off because I used to quite like this at the time. For some reason I always remember that the bass players name is Nick Beggs. I have no idea why I remember that but it says something that I can name him 30 years after his one and only hit and yet I couldn't name the other three in Coldplay at gunpoint. So fuck you Coldplay Mike Oldfield & Maggie Reilly : Moonlight Shadow Can't listen to this song without thinking of this... There's actually a pretty decent guitar solo at the end of this which I never knew about. Men at Work : Down Under Isn't it the law that you have to like this song? Rock Steady Crew : (Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew The song that REALLY bought Breakdancing & Hip Hop to the UK Charts. And yes, I still love it. Yes others came first but it wasn't until this came out that I began to see people with boomboxes doing it in the street on oversized pieces of cardboard suffering from headaches during the school holidays. Rod Stewart : Baby Jane Rod Stewart has always been a great enigma to me. I want to hate him but can't because of that voice which was made for singing dirty blues or garage rock. I loved him in The Faces, they were perfect for him. But then he had to go and leave them to start a solo career singing utter tat. At least some of his 70s tat was listenable & had some kind of novelty value. This is just shit. Paul Young : Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home) True story, Paul Young bought a load of land off my Grandmother after the success of this to build a recording studio. Sadly the hits dried up shortly afterwards and his fame ran out before he could finish it and in the end he just sold the house that had been built there instead. I want a make a joke about not seeing a hat or something while the house was being built but i'm fucked if I can think of one right now. I'm so glad that my family are not responsible for a deluge of Paul Young albums to get released. Part 2 coming very soon. __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.**