Mondo Bungle

Forgive me for interrupting my list, but I'd like to post these couple passages that I wrote back in Reno, before I left. It was mid-late June when I wrote them.


We weren't even living in our new house for four months when I came home late one day to my dad sitting alone in the living room. "You'd better start packing your sh*t," he said, "we've got till the end of this week." Things haven't worked out in a while.

Lately life has been so stressful. I can't recall the last time I was truly happy or at ease. I've wanted to find solace in companionship, but my brain is forcing me to think that my friends don't want me around. I don't know how they feel about me sometimes. I've always felt removed from the group. I'd still like one more chance to hang out before I leave. After my overwhelming surge of emotion and loss of control last Saturday, (it may very well have been a mental breakdown) I've grown more and more depressed. I'm not looking forward to moving to a new town at all. My whole life is here.

I feel like I'm losing it. I can't sleep to well, my mood is shifting rapidly. Each day has been interweaved with moments of extreme depression, severe anxiety, and violent anger. I have no one to turn to. I'd wish to go back in time, but I'd always know that this is the future.

I was hoping for a better summer. WHY THE F*CK DOES SHI*T HAVE TO SUCK. maybe moving will be good, no one will know me in a new town.

I NEED DRUGS AND ALCOHOL F*CK DAMN IT F*CK.

People care more than I think...........why is my brain a piece of sh*t? why won't you let me be happy? Deep down somewhere I know that my friends care about me, but stupid things make you push those thoughts away.

I told a friend I would be leaving, and he said they all were gonna throw me a party

I knew my friends cared. I should try to understand that they all have jobs now, and I don't. But our little get together was fun. I was considerably more drunk the next morning though, after making like ten delicious vodka cranberries. I got a ride to my old house but my dad was at a storage unit. I misunderstood him on the phone since I was so drunk. We had to free buffet coupons, so we ate like kings that night, we probably wouldn't have much for a while afterwards.

I'm living in a garage, f*ck yeah! I haven't taken a shower in a week and a half, and I just can't get enough stale bread. THINGS ARE SOOOO GREAT. At least I'm leaving soon.

I'm leaving tomorrow, so today I went up to my friends' neighborhood for one last day. I took a shower first, because I desperately needed one. We just sat around talking that afternoon, I left before it got dark.


That's about as good a summary as the last two-ish weeks in Reno as any, but it was the week before where emotions really started to run high.

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