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Anteater · 08-18-2013, 05:27 PM

TOUGH GUYS DON'T DANCE (1987)

For any of you that might be under the illusion that The Room was the "best 'bad' movie of all time" or something along those lines, you are in for a rather rude awakening -- this particular gem starring Ryan O'Neal, Isabella Rossellini, Lawrence Tierney and the infamous Wings Hauser has held that particular title for twenty six years now and counting! There's nothing else out there quite like it: at some point the acting, dialogue and head-scratching plot exceed the Coefficient Of Incomprehensibility and becomes something akin to high art.

To be precise, this is a bizarrely fantastic adaptation of Norman Mailer's noir novel of the same name, directed by...yeah, Norman Mailer himself. Which means that on top of the gut-busting laughter that ensues upon attempting to watch this film, you have the self-deprecated ego of the novelist who wrote AND decided to adapt his own work thrown into the mix.

It's very hard to discern what Mr. Mailer was trying to do exactly here -- did he find his own gumshoe fiction so laughable that he thought it needed to be reinterpreted as a nonsensical satirical exercise upon the genre? Did Wings Hauser pass Mailer the blunt at some point mid-production in order to insert his own choice of dialogue into the script as Capt. Alvin Luther Regency, a man who has the power to turn every word that passes between his lips into comedy gold? And a crotchety Lawrence Tierny too of all things? ANNNND Ryan O' Neal being Ryan O'Neal? Absolute madness...madness I say!

I could rave for hours about Tough Guys Don't Dance, elucidate accolade after accolade in regards to this wonderful wonderful movie's cinematic merits, but at the end of the day the best thing you can do for yourself is obtain a copy immediately. It truly is an experience unlike any other, a movie so off the scale bad (in an endearing sort of way) that you'll be thrown off your circadian rhythm for at least a day afterwards.

Watch the trailer below, then get hoppin'! Andele, andele, andele!