The Batlord

If you don't like Venom then you're a bitch. Straight up. I'm looking at you, Trollheart. These cretins are pretty much the poster boys for this thread. They're so low-rent that the women can stay for free so long as they let the fat, smelly landlord crawl on top of them once a week. I love, love, love me some Venom. The consensus is pretty much that Black Metal is their best album, and while I'm not going to dispute that, I chose Welcome to Hell because, somehow, someway, Black Metal actually has the faintest touch of class and shows some kind of understanding of atmosphere and drama, whereas this ugly, ugly garbage is just a completely unredeemable barrage of punk/metal noise.

The formula here is pretty simple: take Motorhead, fail to take Motorhead, make your best approximation of Motorhead, still do that so poorly that it's possible to not even notice how much it sounds like Motorhead, cover it in a layer of filthy distortion, amateurishly shout puerile lyrics about Satan, and sit back as the next three decades of metal become inexplicably influenced by your objectively terrible crap. Venom are just brilliant.

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