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Old 12-29-2013, 07:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
Trollheart
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Originally Posted by Junkyard Donner View Post
I live in a small granny-unit type house behind a larger house. The woman who lives in the front house is a chain smoker named Sonia who sits outside all day reading trashy genre fiction and she has two really ****ty offspring. Robert, her oldest, is just the dullest of the dull and sunbathes in our driveway shirtless all summer while reading Westerns. I took a creative writing class with him once and he is a terrible writer with no personality. Her daughter, Suzie, is a whiny little cunt who is always crying and screaming when she doesn't get her way. "I HATE YOU MOM YOU MAKE MY LIFE TERRIBLE" and the like. Extremely unfriendly, but I have befriended her boyfriend, who visits quite often. He helped me fix my bike once.

To my left is a duplex. In one part of the duplex resides a very young, hip couple who are always throwing craft parties and borrowing things for photo shoots. They're very friendly and warm and play good jazz. The other half of the house is owned by an older couple whose appliances are always breaking. I hear them every weekend in their backyard bickering - the husband trying to repair whatever isn't working and the wife standing over him offering advice to his annoyance.

I've never seen the people who live in the house behind me, but from my kitchen window I can see into their backyard. They have a trampoline and every Sunday a bunch of kids play on it while adults barbecue and chat, so I assume the owners of the house are older and Sundays are their weekly family visits.

To my right is the most entertaining. The woman who owns the house refers to herself as the White Witch and so do I because I still don't know her real name. A couple of years ago some dude showed up and started living in a tool shed in her backyard and the first time we saw him he was outside in the dark while it was raining digging holes we were pretty sure were for dead bodies. This man is now referred to as Shed Ted. Shed Ted does not like us. Shed Ted throws beer bottles at our house and put speakers on his shed roof and aimed them directly at our living room window through which he plays very strange white supremacy music at all hours of the night. Shed Ted once took a hose and sprayed it at our window for five solid minutes for no apparent reason. He has nicknames for my roommate and I and once said he was going to eat the ******* of our cat. I'm pretty sure Shed Ted and the White Witch are banging, which is one of grossest things I could ever imagine.
You win the prize for having the most interesting neighbours so far!
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