So yesterday somebody I am acquainted with online tried to commit suicide. I didn't know about this until he had already taken 2400 mg of an antipsychotic.

I want to be a therapist, and suicide prevention is a large part of that. I realize that I'm just an undergrad in his second year, but I've had enough training in this area that I should be able to effectively respond to something like this. Instead, I was hyperventilating while desperately looking through my basic QPR pamphlet, then physically shaking while on the phone asking the suicide hotline what I should do.

I won't go into the details of the conversation between me and him, but I feel like I completely failed to respond adequately to his needs. Fortunately, he made himself vomit and drank a ton of water, and he's ok today. None of that was from me, though. I feel like I was too indirect, too afraid of how he might respond. Furthermore the amount of anxiety and uncertainty I felt during this was surprising; it made me think that I may not be cut out for this type of work.

And even now, I'm focusing more on how I'm feeling rather than how he is at the moment. I'm too preoccupied with the unpleasant things I learned about myself to be attentive to his needs, and I am ashamed of that.