Things to not say when you're trying to get laid:
"on a scale of 1 to 10 how good are you at sucking dick?"
"You're too old to get knocked up, right?"
Drunken texts from a friend, the real fun started when he decided to call me instead:
*unintelligible slurring*
Then "why are we not f ucking right now?"
Then when I laugh at him he's all "shut the f uck up, I'll punch you in the mouth. But why aren't we f ucking right now? Shut up! Shut up, I'll smash a brick over your head. Why aren't we f ucking right now?"
Oh god, i died laughing. I know he's not serious, just a really sloppy drunk. Still it was hilarious, I can't wait to see how much he remembers in the morning.
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