Music Banter - View Single Post - Anti-lock Breakdown :)

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 12-01-2005, 08:40 AM

I think you've listened to way too much Atreyu, and they've infected your brain. This lacked depth and emotion. Rather than writing about how much you hate someone, take a step back, and do it from a more objective level. What you have now is angsty mush, and it's not doing you any favors. The rhyming seems forced, more so in the second stanza than anywhere else, and I cannot stress enough how much more important it is to get your ideas down, rather than worry about rhyme. Overall, the theme of this song is what's killing it. The idea is so overdone, and your use of the appropriate scene buzzwords just put more nails in this song's coffin. Rework it, but try a different approach.

12-01-2005, 08:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 896	I think you've listened to way too much Atreyu, and they've infected your brain. This lacked depth and emotion. Rather than writing about how much you hate someone, take a step back, and do it from a more objective level. What you have now is angsty mush, and it's not doing you any favors. The rhyming seems forced, more so in the second stanza than anywhere else, and I cannot stress enough how much more important it is to get your ideas down, rather than worry about rhyme. Overall, the theme of this song is what's killing it. The idea is so overdone, and your use of the appropriate scene buzzwords just put more nails in this song's coffin. Rework it, but try a different approach.