Originally Posted by Exoskeletal

My cousin is hysterical. He was late this morning so I told him he needs a better alarm. He suggested a baboon alarm. Then he sent me this...

"Are you super lazy? Do you have problems waking up after too much partying? Do you just simply want a better alarm? Hi, Dick Nutsack here with the Baboon Alarm. It's a pet and alarm all in one. The baboon has been specially trained to wake your ass up guaranteed. The secret is the shock collar that you set to the time you want to wake up. Once that thing goes off your baboon is sure to go ape sh*t. What kind of assh*le could sleep through that? It's guaranteed to get your ass out of bed. But that's not all! It will also make you breakfast, wear funny hats, throw poop at your enemies, and you can even have sex with it. The Baboon Alarm is not sold in stores. If you order through this special TV offer you will receive one poop guard for your mouth as a free gift. Don't be fooled by imitation "monkey alarms" These are poor quality and don't have funny colored butts. Order now for the low low price of one single large blood diamond and the Baboon Alarm ill be on its way. What do you have to lose?"

Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien

There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.