Carpe Mortem

Growing up, my dad did this awesome seance thing whenever me or my brothers had friends over.

We'd sit around the kitchen table, each with a mug of water, lights turned off and a single candle in the middle of the table. He'd begin telling us the story of how all our ancestors took over the sacred lands of America's original natives.... and how their spirits still seek those lands, awaiting vengeance, haunting the nooks and crannies of modern day homes.

We'd dip our fingers in the water as he recited native american-sounding gibberish, then wipe it across our foreheads. Dip again, wipe down the nose. Then the gibberish would reach a crescendo and he'd tell us to dip once more, rub the bottom of the mugs, and wipe across our cheeks.... and one person would have black paint smeared across their face!

He'd jump to his feet and scream 'THEY'VE CHOSEN YOU FOR THEIR VENGEANCE! YOU'RE POSSESSED NOW, STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!' and other such things while whatever unfortunate child cried and cried until he said the spirits had left the area. We're talking kids from like age 7 to 10, bawling because they thought they'd been possessed, begging to go home. My dad had to start asking permission to do it because of how much trauma he caused other people's kids haha.

In case you didn't figure it out, he'd burn the bottom of one of the mugs so when you rubbed it, soot would come off. I spent a good year wondering how the hell he did it until he finally showed me the trick when I was 10 or so... and then of course I joined in helping to scare the piss out of everyone and would act possessed myself when my mug was blackened. I was a decent little actress back then.

As I've said before... my dad is the ****ing ****. My childhood was the ****. Long live Boogey Men.

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